
Dear Evie,
I wish I could say that my lack of newsletters has been due to my many hours of charitable dinners, housework and building homes for Habitat for Humanity... alas I have learned a little bit about being me again. I owe a great bit of this to the fact that you sleep now. . . through the night and usually 2 naps a day. For so long mommy lost herself and I am slowly finding me and learning a little about being selfish. Although I'd like to believe it's more about just being.

Today I put you down for a nap and then ran myself a bath. I turned the knob much further to the left than I have in a while. This is because you are usually in the tub with me and I don't want to scald your little behind.

I layed back with the newest Rolling Stone and was met with pink legos digging into my back. It was the perfect moment. I love the everyday reminders of you. When I reach into my purse and pull out a rubber ducky. The cereal strewed across my new 4Runner. The day that I took off my wedding ring to put on lotion and a Honey Smack was lodged behind my ring setting.
I do have to say that while you are doing some super, super cute things right now I am hoping that your current phase is on it's way out. This is the 15 month "pay attention to me at any cost" phase that includes you walking around complaining, whining, screaming, throwing yourself on to the tile floors all.day.long. It's gotten a little bit better but there were a few days where I went from trying to rationalize with you (picture me leaning down to your level to explain that I don't speak scream and whine and that you must use your words if you want mommy to pick you up), to giving into your whims, to ignoring you, to yelling back... and one moment when I tried to become a mirror of you, complete with throwing myself down also. You then were upset that you had been upstaged.
You walk, spin, walk backwards, dance, march, wave. You say mama, daddy, kitty, dawg (emphasis on the awg)nigh nigh, bye, thank you (day doo), juice.. and please once in a very blue moon. This is the constant struggle. If you would just say please rather than yelling I would give you whatever it is you wanted. Even if it was a hot frying pan with a switchblade. Just say please. Use your words. You know this, I know this but the scarey thing is that we are both incredibly stubborn.

Last month we had a very scary experience. I received a call at work that you had had a seizure and that an ambulance was on its way to the house. I ran out of work like a mad woman. I honestly know that if the largest man on earth would have tried to stand in my way I would have easily barrelled through him. The mama bear instinct is very much real. I arrived at the ER before you and daddy did and met Aunt Clara who was working. I saw the ambulance pull up and ran to where there were bringing you in. Around the corner came a stretcher with you in your toddler car seat. You were looking to each side at the paramedics that were wheeling you in and completely engaging them in conversation. You talked with your hands and were telling them all about something in your little jibberish. You were so capable and sure of yourself, even in that situation. You turned and saw me and your arms went straight out. Through an IV, blood draw, cath for urine sample, chest xray and everything else you were the bravest little girl I've ever met. I was petrified, but bursting with pride at the same time. You and I laid in the ER bed just like we did for the first few days of your life. I turned on cartoons for you and even though you were exhausted and hooked up to cords you still bobbed up and down a few times when music played. Ever my little dancin' girl.
Sweetie you are the most confident, determined, sure of herself, charming little girl. You walk proudly and surely with your butt and belly sticking out. You've had everyone around you trained and hypnotized since day one. I am in awe and a little scared at the same time. Surely these traits can mean that my job will be either a cinch or a synonym for hell.
No matter what I can tell you that you continue to amaze, scare, intrigue, entertain and shock your mama. I am so proud to be called yours.
Love,
Mama