My Merry Christmas

I'm pretty sure that anyone that reads this already knows that I got engaged on Christmas morning. I am so excited and suddenly can't stop looking at my hand! The blog may start to get a little sappy with wedding planning in about a year or so. Hold tight. You may want to cover your eyes! lol.

The past few days have been hellacious. We filed a request for emergency custody of Oakley for a very good reason and it was denied. Once again, we were punched in the stomach by the system. Dad's lose their visitation rights all of the time, mother's however can get away with nearly anything and they are the ones with the rights that are protected. I know that it's an old cliche that the court system and CPS are completely f*cked. But, it wouldn't have become a cliche and something that's heard all of the time if it weren't completely and utterly true.

Christmas, however, was just perfect. Christmas morning Brian and I woke up even before Oakley (I'm not sure if I even went to sleep!). I went and woke him up and he was so excited and gracious. Every gift was "what I always wanted!" I got the Chronicles of Narnia and I'm nearly done w/ book two. This proved to be the perfect gift as it's the closest thing to literally taking me away from this world the past couple of days, which is exactly what I have needed.

I should have probably split this up in to two different entries, as one is so exciting and happy, and the other is just sheer bullshit. So, now that we're all cross eyed and shaking our heads from my blog, I will post and go home.

Sentimental Fool

I find it necessary to point out that I am a complete and hopeless sentimental fool for the holidays. Everything about them somehow gives me a lump in my throat. Oakley and I were driving to his Oma and Opa's house dancing and singing jingle bells and I got a quick glimpse of him in my rearview mirror, I had to put on my sunglasses so he didn't think I was a crying crazy lady.... as opposed to the regular crazy lady that he's sure that I am.

What is it about everything holidays that makes a person warm and fuzzy? Are there subliminal messages in bells and organ music? I caught the very end of Home Alone on TV, where the mom comes home and hugs Kevin... I hadn't even watched the whole movie and that part alone made me choke up.

Sleepless in Seattle is another wonderful holiday movie. I realize that only the beginning is holiday-themed, however it's all based on a Christmas wish of one little boy. I was a mess last night watching that one. Damn that little Jonah.

Brian's sisters have arrived from Denver and New York for the holidays, so they're pretty much in full swing here in AZ.

One question that I get a lot this time of year is whether or not my tree is hanging upside down from the ceiling. My answer... definitely not. Rather, hell no. My sister has embraced the tradition and may carry it on as her own but I have not. I hated being the girl that people would come up to in the hallways and say Oh YOU'RE The one with the upside down Christmas tree! People would drive by our house to see it in the window. I suppose that living in a yellow house with a pink fence and pet pot-bellied pig may have shaped my character somehow... but at the time I just wanted to be normal!

Whew, suddenly my inner child came out for a short tantrum. I apologize.

In short, I cannot wait to see Oakley's face when he runs out of his room to find a bike with a huge red bow. I love to see him pull up a chair and sit so that he can sit and stare at the tree. I want to give him the world and the best holidays I can. My Christmas wish is for full custody, perhaps if I put it in writing it is more likely to transpire.

Three Gophers

Oakley: You know those three gophers?

Nisha: Um, no.

Oakley: I forget their names, but they like, they.... I don't know what they are called.

Nisha: Honey, I honestly don't know what you are talking about.

Oakley: Um, I don't know what they are called, but I like their music.

*Lightbulb*
Nisha: You mean the Chipmunks???

Oakley: Yeah! I like them!

You gotta love morning drives to school conversing with a seven year old. He never ceases to just make me smile and make my day. I love watching him walk to the playground after I drop him off. His backpack is bigger than he is and he loves to wear hooded sweatshirts, with his hood on. He just looks so grown up and small at the same time walking by himself. He told me this morning that he likes the guy "with the horns" on the wizard of Oz that sings the lollipop song. We sang the song together a few times after that. Weeee wish to welcome you to munchkin land!

We finally got our kitty fixed yesterday. She is really sore and confused now. We have her quarantined because our dog (aka miniature horse) is really rough with her. We used to feel sorry for her, but then noticed that she loves it. She walks up and smacks him with her paw on purpose so that they can play. He never hurts her, and if he did cross a line she has claws and would teach him.

I sewed curtains for my living room. Yes, you read that right. Presently one is about a yard longer than the other (shit!) so I have to do some altering. Life used to be trying to remember what happened the night before and deciding what to wear and wondering if he would call. Now it's dinners, homework, baths, bedtime stories, landscaping, curtains.

I plan to tackle the holiday crowds and get most of my shopping done on the day after Thanksgiving. It's a lot more fun to shop as Santa for a seven year old! Now... where do I hide a bean bag chair?? haha.

I am such a sucker for the holidays. The music puts a spring in my step and nearly every holiday special, movie or even commerical chokes me up completely!

Scaping our Land

Brian and I have taken on the daunting task of landscaping our backyard. Up until now it has been a pile of dirt, enclosed by an eight foot wall. The dog loves it as he thinks it is especially for him. The problem was, during monsoon season it turned into a mud pit... just add Buddy. So, we had to wrap him in a sheet when we got home each night and put him directly in to the tub. He didn't understand why we would do such a thing. As if bathing him isn't a pain enough... drying him is even worse!

So, with a ton of aid from Brian's father we have started to landscape. I didn't realize that this would mean that I would have a ziploc bag of "rock samples" in my purse. Last time I had something like that in my purse... well... we won't go there! lol. This task also means a lot of time spent in the backyard with our hands on our hips pointing at the dirt and talking about what exactly we are going to do. I stand there with my hands on my hips and smile and nod... waiting for the opportunity that I can sneak away and go watch TV.

Tonight we are getting 17 tons of rock delivered on our driveway and we will take it wheelbarrow by wheelbarrow in to the backyard. And by we I mean Brian, and whoever else he can find. I thought I would be helping more, but I honestly have never used a shovel and I am very scared of driving a wheelbarrow. I just want to wear cute hats and gloves (matching) and sit in the dirt and grow a vegetable garden and flowers. I will buy cute signs that say things like "garden of weedin'" and put them in the soil on posts.

On top of the landscaping we have the holiday season upon us. The preparation seems endless, and ... where exactly is the money coming from?

The smell of school supplies

I love it in You've Got Mail when they are comparing the feeling of fall to the smell of bouquets of #2 pencils. It really does smell like brand new school supplies! I love the feeling in the air. It makes me really happy. It's nearly dark already and I am still at work, if they change my schedule with daylight's savings to 5:30 again then I will leave and see the stars already! We have pumpkins on our path at home that look so cute. I would love to go ape shit and buy a bunch of decorations, but I figure I will just do a couple each year so that they are ones that I really love. I am so excited to pull out my Christmas decorations! ha ha.

I think that we may host Thanksgiving at my house this year. This will be my chance to prove to myself that I can host something without turning into Monica on Friends. I turn into an absolute freak trying to make everything perfect and then I'm absolutely miserable to be around... and Brian and I are usually fighting by then! Not this time... fingers crossed....

Forever and a Day!

Gosh, I have been the biggest slacker ever. Either that, or not a big enough slacker as the only time I really have to get on here is at work.

Clara was here this weekend and it was a blast. I was so excited to show someone from my family what I have done with my life these days. It's a far cry from where I was just a year ago (thank God!) ha ha.

I am loving this season change. Suddenly, in one afternoon it got crisp and cool here. Now I can pull out sweaters and the sort. No more shaving legs or showing bare arms. I am a happy girl. Time for scarves and layers! The only thing that I don't like is the closed toe shoes... my feet literally get claustrophobic. The housing division I am in is brand new so people are enjoying decorating their new houses. I really need to get the time, energy and funding to plant some bulbs and clear a section of my front yard. I would love it if I had flowers popping out of the snow in February!

I somehow spent hundreds of dollars in one weekend while Clara was here. We didn't even go out or shopping or anything! We did eat a lot and I think a lot of it was gas money... but still... I need groceries! ha ha.

We had Oakley's b-day party this weekend. He was an absolute sweetheart... I was nervous becaose I know that most kids turn into hellions when it's Their day. He opened his gifts and threw the wrapping paper away himself, used all of his manners and everything. It was Godzilla themed and turned out really cute, thanks to my sister's creativity. She's a lot better at that kind of stuff than I am. We had Oakley in the backseat of my car with 18 green and yellow Godzilla balloons and he kept saying "helloooo, there's a kid back here!" I took pictures of him peeking out from behind them. I hope that they turn out. I'll post some if so.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes
on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false
pride, superiority,and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and
faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Author Unknown

I guess I scared some people with my blogs while being sad and having boyfriend problems. Rest assured, I am a big girl and even while crying I can handle my own. We are doing better now (for now).

I have decided that the song Total Eclipse of the Heart should be outlawed from station and allowed only in the comfort of you own home. How does it sneak on to your radio station in your car only when you feel so emotional and like your life is over? This always leads to crying and singing loudly. Losing your voice follows and snot on your face is pretty much a given. If I ever get elected in to office that's the first bill I will pass. I honestly haven't done much at work yet today. I should probably get on that.

I came outside today to find that my sidewalk (which has been ripped out for a couple of days to be fixed) has been repaved in exactly the same way that it was before. The non-curb part of our driveway is halfway in our yard. At first I wanted to track down the cement truck and yell at them, but they did have to put up with me at 7:30 this morning madder than a hornet because they were asking me to move my car. This included having to fold my arms to hold my boobs since I didn't even bother to put on a bra, or hide the fact that I was giving them death glares.

I have attached pictures of us hanging out. Brian and his dad were hanging blinds while the rest of us were repotting my house plants and hanging out on the porch.

I rely on my illusions to keep me warm at night.

SO

I spent last night at Brian's parent's house, in Oakley's room on his day bed. I woke up this morning still crying. The Johnson's no more tears shampoo in the shower did nothing for mine.

I have had like eight million funny stories to tell from since Labor day til now, but have been so busy. Mostly not busy, but lethargic. Lethargic because I am not dieting until next Monday and in the meantime I have been eating cookies for breakfast. Not small cookies, large ones. Not chocoloate chips (except for the ones Allison baked and brought in to work with the morsels. I must have thought morsels meant small, or tid bit because I think I may have eaten the majority of the tempting morsels) chocolate chunks. Large ones on the large cookies. Wash it down with some crab dip, potato salad, and a sandwich and you got yourself a reason to struggle putting on your pants. I saw What not to wear this weekend and a woman had like my exact same style. Could you just die?! Oh yeah, but then I figure once I am uncomfortable in my chair that I should drink a lot of water and maybe take a multi vitamin... and refresh my lipstick. A girl has to hold on to her looks after all.

My must go home.

Visions of Hash Browns danced in my head.

I showed up to work today with my pants on backwards. That pretty much begins to sum things up. I dreamt last night of hash browns, gravy and chicken fried steak. I went to work a half hour early so that I could stop at the Blue Hills Cafe and eat breakfast. I was a very happy girl, however about a half hour later my stomach realized that it hated me. Hated me very much.

While I was at the Cafe the couple sitting next to me bowed their heads and prayed before they ate. I don't know why but little things like that still surprise me about living in a small community. We are growing so much and most of the implanted people are from Southern California because we have the mild climate with the small town feel. We also have Phoenix close for the city life and Sedona close for a retreat. It really is a great place to be. Sometimes I feel dumb being in Dewey, which is nothing more than a rest stop on the freeway. It's growing though, and it will take our property value with it.

I am so very excited to have three days off. Tomorrow I am the only person in customer service, let's hope no huge disasters surface. If so, maybe I can put them off until Tuesday.

Therapeutic Nothing

It's been forever. I keep telling myself that I really don't have anything new going on, but my last posts weren't written because I necessarily had something new and exciting going on in my life. I just find something in my nothing to write about I suppose.

Clara's coming at the beginning of October and I am so excited. Finally someone will get to see my new house and my new life down here. I really think that she needs it too. Brian has a friend that is coming from San Francisco that just needs to get back to the basics too. He's in two rock bands and lives down town. Our house means hanging out on the porch in a rocking chair and playing with a dog, cat and a six year old. I think that's the perfect therapy!

I was really on a roll today. Kicking butt on email requests for info, ETA's, tracking, etc. I found out late this afternoon that none of emails were being received externally. I was receiving, and people in the office were receiving from me... but everything important that I did wasn't received. Irriated by this? Yes, yes I am. On a let's-look-at- the-bright-side-note, I don't work in the warehouse. Since it's the last day of the month they have to wait until all of the shipments are done and then physically count every product that we have on the shelves. They will be here until the wee hours of the morning, before returning to work to do the regular shipping and receiving. To make this easier I have stopped putting in orders a half hour early so that they can get started. This also means that I have decided to be done for the day and instead will dick around at my desk and on my blog. he he, I said dick.

It will be so nice to have a three day weekend. Brian on the other hand is working like 8 days in a row. He wants the house spotless for his buddy, not like it's not already really clean. Oh well, I guess it gives us a reason to do the mopping and stuff like that.

Saliva Mohawk

My poor little kitty crawled up on me last night while I was on the couch reading Cosmo and as I went to put her I realized that from her ears to her neck was completely sticky with puppy saliva. There was even a booger (nose or eye, I don't know) in the mix. I had to clean her up and love on her a bit. The whole time Buddy was trying to join in the episode. He gets so jealous and has the cutest face. It's very hard to be mad at him or ignore him for long. When they play she bats at him and gets up high for an advantage. When she's not on something he usually pounces on her, holds her down and tries to see how much of her head he can fit in her mouth. He doesn't hurt her, he just pretends to bite the shit out of her while holding her down with his paw.

I got new bedding and both animals had to be involved in putting it on the bed. The dog was trying to lay in the middle and the cat was trying to attack the sheets as we tried to straighten them. Once we add more kids in to the mix it's really going to be a circus. (sp?)

I saw Kathy Griffith's special on Bravo and just about died. She had me laughing so hard. She's a bigger asshole than I am and I find that hilarious!

Happy hour tonight at the Outback. I get off earlier now so we will have longer to order 2 for one! Whoo Hoo!

Tomorrow I have no Brian or Oakley until after 3 pm. I am going to watch chick flicks, read cosmo and stay in my pajamas until then. I can't wait!

tick, tock

The afternoons have been so slow lately. After all of my bitching about being overloaded with work I'm sure that this is being greeted with eye rolls from anyone (poor souls) that happen to be reading. However, this does mean that I have time to write... and shop online. Lord help me. It is way too easy to press "add to cart".

My dog and I grow increasingly closer every day. He was bought for Oakley, and picked out by Brian, but he has become my dog. I took him to the puppy park yesterday and he's almost figured out fetching. He was so tired when he got home. He snored all night.

I have a pedicure appointment tomorrow. Thank goodness. My feet are so scaley. I'm still broke, but Allison got me a gift certificate for my birthday. She must have taken pity on my scales.

I promised myself that I wouldn't get addicted to the Real World ever again. . . but the Real World Austin has won... and I am a viewer. New episode tonight in the ten spot.

I have been having some really strange dreams about people that I haven't thought about in forever. This probably means that someone from my past will be showing up out of the blue. I hope it isn't someone crappy but the universe doesn't take requests.

Counting down the minutes until you're off takes on a whole new light when there's over 50 of them.

Hindsight

I saw this on another blog and thought that it was a good chance to be retrospective. (Scarey!)

Ten years ago today
I had just started my Sophomore year of high school. I had just come in to my own style and had my hippie clothes and long hair.

5 years ago today
I lived in California with my ex fiance, I worked for a natural pharmaceutical company and was starting to realize that there was more to life than what I had found so far.

1 year ago today
I had just gotten asked out by Brian for the first time. I was ecstatic! I had also just returned from Utah... having been flown out for the last time by the District Attorney's office. I also was dealing with a huge decision that I had to make. I was a mess... but a happy, excited, scared mess.

Yesterday
Work was extremely slow in the afternoon. I went home as usual and walked the dog after dinner. Brian made his turkey burger Santa Fe Style and his plate gorgeous. I just wanted to have pickles, mayo and ketchup with mine. We watched the 100 greatest artists of heavy metal before going to bed. Buddy slept next to me and we snored in unison.

Tomorrow
I get to wake up to Oakley in the living room watching cartoons and playing with the animals. I get to stay in my pajamas and read a book. Allison is finally back so we will catch up and go see a movie.

5 snacks I enjoy
Chocolate, Sour Cream and Cheddar Backed chips, Chocolate covered pretzels, Chex mix and popcorn.

5 bands I know the lyrics to most of their songs
Stevie Nicks, Martina McBride, LeeAnn Womack, Fleetwood Mac, Sublime

5 things I would do with $1,000,000.00
Lay naked on it (no, not really). Help my friends, pay off our house and debts, go back to school, donate some, do something outlandish and irresponsible with a dash of spontanaity.

5 bad habits
Sleeping too much, picking my nose, being obnoxious, gossiping, overeating. (that was way too easy...spooky!)

5 things I like doing
Sleep, eat, be with my family, shop, talk on the phone, read.

5 locations I’d like to run away to
New Orleans, Italy, Paris, Morocco, A castle...

5 things I would never wear
A tube top, a moo moo (sp?), velcro shoes, a training bra, a size zero ; )

5 famous people I would like to meet
The Dalai Lama, Stevie Nicks, Jessica Simpson, Matthew McConahy (sp?), John Stewart

5 biggest joys at the moment
Brian, Oakley, my pets, my extended family and friends, my house, my good fortune

5 things on your bedside table
Lamp, box of writing, journal, buddha, picture of me and my sister, my mom's journal, books, magazines. . .

5 things you save
Cards, Pictures, Books, thoughts in my journal and blog

5 things you won't travel without
Just the necessities. I'm not a heavy paker and I hate to pack.

And yet I love his grumpy ass...

Fighting with the bf. I wanted to go home and just take the dog for a walk, but now it started raining and his mom and grandma are coming over so I will need to act like Merry Sunshine er Happy Future Daughter in law. Why is it so hard for some men to allow themselves to be happy? Like being constantly grumpy is some sort of sign of masculinity. I don't get it. I feel like I've been dancing and doing cartwheels in front of him for months, while he tries to find more reasons to be pissed off at the world. I'm tired. I didn't get an invitation to his stupid pity party and I wouldn't want to go anyways. It takes so much more energy to act the way he's acting. I would have just given up and gone and taken a nap a long time ago rather than mull around like this.

Naps are the cure all. This may be why I've spent so much of my life sleeping. My sister says that I'm like an infant, as long as I'm not tired and have been fed I'm fine. If not... whoa, I'll let you know.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean that my job in life is to keep him happy. I am beginning to learn that. Yes, I'm a shoulder and a support, but you become annoying when you are trying to cheer up a person that doesn't want to be cheery. This also ruins my moods and it creates this whole vicious cycle and suddenly we are fighting (again) and don't know why.

I have some house plants that I need to repot tonight and that makes me happy. Also, future mother in law and Grandma are bringing pizza. My puppy's cute and Oakley's at the house. Custody battles and mediation agreements suck ass... but I'm not going to waste my time stomping around and cursing God over it. Not that I'm perfect at handling situations. I can be just as stubborn and sulky as the rest, but come on! Can a girl catch a break here?

Right at the base of Bell Rock....

Sedona was overall enjoyable, but our Anniversay was off to a rocky start in the beginning. I think that we both just put so much stress on things going well (even though "well" is defined completely different in our own minds) that we end up at each other's throats. We got to the room that I was so proud of finding only to discover that the picture I was showing off to everyone had been digitally enhanced. The hotel had been moved to the base of bell rock even though it was across the street from it. The pictures of the rooms looked like they had been cloudy and pieced together, however that was the whole picture of the room, witch clouds placed in certain places. When we walked in to find that the jacuzzi room looked like something straight out of the seventies, only more cramped we were both upset. Brian because it was $114.00 and me because I thought that he was dissapointed in me. This escalated as Brian was hungry and I was a crybaby. The room wasn't even in Sedona, it was about 8 miles away in The Village of Oak Creek! The jacuzzi tub that I was so excited about was in the middle of the bedroom and it was for one person. Once we had filled it up and realized that most of the water had to be let out so that it wouldn't overflow when my fat ass joined in things went downhill. Then we realized that we both didn't really fit comfortably anyway. We gave up and went straight to bed. Happy year anniversary. The ride home was the best part. We went back up through Jerome and went to some of my favorite galleries and then had lunch. We were so happy to pick up Buddy and head home. We both missed him a lot.

Brian started his new job yesterday and Oakley started first grade. I came down with a case of the flu. Other than that things are very domesticated and normal. Just the way I like them.

Anniversary

Tomorrow Brian and I are going to Sedona for the day and got a hotel for the night. The room is right in front of the red rocks and there is a jacuzzi in the room. I am very excited. We really haven't had a romantic trip with just the two of us before. We've also never had our first anniversary before. August 11th last year he asked me out on our first date. I was so excited, I couldn't believe that he had asked me. We moved so fast in our first year, but when you know you know.

I chopped of all of my hair on Tuesday. I didn't think that it would be so drastic, but it ended up being like 8 inches. Looking at the hair on the floor it was like a small animal or something. I love it though. I had missed my root pump and velcro rollers dearly. I wanted to grow it out, but I didn't do much more with it than a half-assed pony tail.

Buddy is staying with Brian's parents tomorrow. It should be funny to see how he does and how excited he will be for us to get back and for him to be home. I just can't believe how much companionship they provide. I honestly understand the saying "Lord, please help me to be the kind of person that my dog thinks I am"

Buddy

We have a new member of our family, Buddy. Oakley picked him out and named him. He is sucha sweet little guy and we just love having him around. He is a three month old Husky/Boxer/Lab mix. Judging by the size of his paws he's going to be really big when he's full grown.

Nitrate Meltdown

I know that it should probably go without saying, but make it a general rule to never eat at a Chinese Buffet. Especially one who's sign says Ch a Buff t because of burnt out neon letters. Brian and I would pass it all of the time and he would beg to go. I thought he was kidding in the beginning, my culinary genius begging for that place? I finally gave in last night and we went. Before we even left he said that he was on Nitrate Meltdown, meaning that all of the food has too many salts and MSG in it so it gives people a headache. By the time I got home I was on the floor and very unhappy. I had to sleep in Oakley's bed because my stomach was upset and I was so restless.

We are halfway looking for a puppy. I took it a couple steps too far and called to set up appointments with some of the foster parents. Brian and I decided this morning that we should wait until we have more money to invest and perhaps monsoon season is over so our backyard isn't a mud wrestling pit. I cancelled the appointments this morning. Instead we are probably going to take Oakley to Walmart tonight to pick out a fish or something small like that. I'm afraid he may have his hopes set on getting a dog soon. Maybe for his birthday or Christmas.

Rain on my parade... please!

My birthday has been so amazing. It is raining and thundering out side and the sky is a sad blue. I love this weather, the kind that makes you want to stay in bed with the one you love all day. Speaking of the one I love, I have the most beautiful red roses that he brought me on my desk in a mason jar. That's perfect. We are going to dinner tonight.

I think this is the best birthday I've ever had. My future in laws had us over for lunch yesterday and gave me the sweetest card and some houseplants for the house (they don't know me at all huh? Mud pie and houseplants... just like roses in a mason jar).

Brian's grandma (who I absolutely adore) took out her jewelry box and told me to pick something out for my birthday since I've been so good to her. Hello? Tears much? She went through and told me the stories of all of the items while the whole family sat at the kitchen table. It's like Hallmark come to life. I chose a necklace that was her great aunts.

One day you wake up and realize that your life has finally begun. You assume every role that you knew you would and run with them. I am very, very lucky. Today is truly a day to celebrate.

Eyelash Wishes

I suppose it was a little naive of me to think that I could blow a stray eyelash off of my fingertip and wish for the mediation to go well. Oakley's mom and Brian went through mediation yesterday and we learned that there's a reason that Arizona is viewed as a pro-mother state. Although we are clearly the better environment and household for him to be in, unless Oakley is in immediate danger they will not attempt to take him from his mother. This breaks my heart. We don't want to take him completely from his mom, we just want to give him the kind of life that he deserves and isn't getting. Hopefully one day things will look up. All I can do now is try to be the best mother figure that I can and be there for him 100%.

The trip was actually a lot of fun. It was nice to see my family and catch up with a lot of people. My Uncle Jim's family is an absolute kick in the ass. I always leave there with my cheeks on fire from laughing so hard. My cousin's new wife fits in perfect and is a great addition to the clan! I got to see my favorite person in the whole world, my Grandma Fran and even though she is in the nursing home with advanced alzheimers, I saw a glimpse of the woman I love and idolize. I just had to look really deep in her eyes to find it.

I was able to see friends that I haven't been able to set quality time aside for in past visits. Sorry Jason and Anna! It's not easy with a jury trial and all. ; ) But I do think of them often and love them very much.

Mostly it was just so great to reconnect with Heather. It's the third time we've done the trip and this time it was under the best circumstances. Most people would get sick of someone else, but once I got home I had to keep myself from calling her a few times a day to catch up!

Of course, I didn't plan on being the pathetic girlfriend that misses her boyfriend so bad it hurts. Brian and I had only spent one other night apart before this trip. I thought I would be fine but I missed him tremendously from the moment I started to drive off. I'm sure I drove people crazy, but I couldn't help it... thanks all for being so patient when/if I was whining.

Tracey is still as beautiful and fantastic as ever and Austin just fills my heart with joy. I am completely at home with those two and it's a really great feeling.

It was also great to see my dad, sister and brother. LaMont and I went shopping together and I got him the new Harry Potter book. I was just so excited to have a sibling that is as excited about books as I am! Clara and I went shopping and she was an enormous help and really great for my self image. I didn't feel fat around her and had a blast in Lane Bryant (ahem... I am the SMALLEST size there after all!) LOVED IT! My dad looks so great, he looks younger than I ever remember him looking. Like he did in pictures when I was a little girl.

I got all three seasons of the Newlyweds for my birthday and I am the happiest girl in the world! I have been watching that and hanging out with my cat and Oakley. It's always nice to get to go and see your family, but when you come home to your future husband and step son it makes you realize that you really do choose your family. I love mine.

Off to the land of Zion

My trip is finally here. Tonight I will go as far as Flagstaff and crash at Heather's and then we will go to St George tomorrow and visit some of her friends, stay the night there and head to Utah on Thursday. I have a ton of stuff planned and a ton of people to see. We'll see if it actually all pans out, it usually doesn't. Kind of like everything that I planned on getting done this weekend! Ha! I hardly did any of it. I ended up going out Friday night and getting hammered. I haven't done that in so long and learned quickly that I'm not very good at it anymore. It was just supposed to be a couple of beers over dinner. I skipped dinner and drank like 8 beers at Outback and then proceeded to go down town with Meagan and close the bar. I spent the next day puking and miserable. I'm getting old! ; )

Oakley lost another tooth last night. He freaks out and needs a band-aid over a hang nail but came up to me with a bloody kleenex, mouth and tooth like it was no problem! I couldn't believe it. He said that the tooth fairy must have already been asleep so he will put it under his pillow tonight at his mom's. Last time she gave him candy... doesn't that seem a little counter productive as a tooth fairy?

I actually have ZERO emails in my in box at work. That hasn't happened in forever! Scared of when I get back, but for now I can actually relax (knock on wood) on my vacation!

Friday Night

I can't believe how quickly my trip to Utah snuck up on me. I thought that I had forever and now suddenly I have a ton of stuff to do and I want to be caught up on work too. I would hate to come back and be in trouble for dropping a ball or something. I guess that'st he big nerd in me that worries so.

Tonight it is to the Outback for happy hour, laundry this weekend, haircut tomorrow, take my car to the shop on Monday, I'm getting my kitty fixed on Tuesday and leaving Tuesday night for Flagstaff. Gotta love procrastination. It's nice to know that most of the people I am visiting are also poor so perhaps I won't be the only one trying not to spend too much money. I'm not getting paid for my vacation so I need to be pretty thrifty because the smaller check will come out right about that time.

A ton of people at work have birthdays this month so we're all going to be fat on cake. We've already had two. Oh geez, but at least one of them is mine! ha ha.

Damn Perky

Oakley is so damn cute, I had to put a picture of him in here.

I was told that I seemed much too negative in my last post, so now I am going to be (as my dad would say) Pep, pep PEPPY! No, actually I'm not. I think that I would make myself want to vomit, like girls like that usually do.

Honestly though, I am (sort of) positive. But I have the right to be butt hurt and go home and take it out on my boyfriend don't I?

My sister and I got into it and haven't talked for four days, this happens every once in a while, but I hope that we start talking by the time I go to Utah to see everyone next week!

Brian's job has me so mad, and I can completely relate because I used to work for the same place. They don't deserve a man with his amazing work ethic and talent. I have half a mind to tell them but he's determined to stay and be the bigger man.

Last night I weighed myself and then I did it again this morning and was four pounds lighter, how in the hell does that work? Why am I not skinny yet? Argh.

Nightmare on Mercado Street

So, not last night but the night before I had dreams that I was working all night. I had to sleep in Oakley's bed because I was keeping Brian up. I woke up at one point trying to put "paperwork" on his night stand. I didn't get a wink of sleep.

Last night I had nightmares all night about family members that still haunt me. All day I have still been so angry and irritated that things still bug me and will never change. I got a call from my sister to hear that the same old stuff is up. I have a rash and I can barely breathe. I should have known. At least I don't have to see them though, not that I would have gone out of my way to do so.

I want to go home early today. I have a ton of over time hours from this week anyways.

All geared up, loaded down... and unable to work!

Once again I sit surrounded by paperwork and unable to do anything about it. There is an odd error that continues to multiply invoices so we are charging the customer 3 or 4 times and removing the items that many times from inventory. They are trying to fix it and in the meantime we need to sit here and think about everything that we should be doing. A lot of people like the excuse not to work, however, if I don't do this pile 'o paperwork on my desk... it doesn't go anywhere and continues to grow.

Oakley asked me this morning to change his band aid on his boo boo. I pulled out the first aid kit, antiseptic spray, etc... being the dutifull step mother that I am and he turned around and whipped out his left butt cheek. I wasn't expecting that! I guess he fell into a thorn bush and one went pretty deep in sideways. He is as clutzy as his father.

I went to a really gorgeous wedding reception this weekend. The property is beautiful and it was nice to feel as if I had gotten away for the afternoon, and I had a reason to get dressed up.

Allison is gone for a week and I am missing her already. I better still get my ass to the gym without her! I am still gaining weight! Scared to think of what would be happening if I wasn't working out!

Quickie

Sorry I've been MIA lately. Between work, the gym and home I haven't had much time for anything. I just feel like I'm being pulled in three directions, when all I really want to do is spend a day in bed with a good book.

Father's Day was quite the event this year. I have gifts from Oakley to Brian and his Grandpa, gifts for Brian, and gifts/cards for my dad and future father in law. Plus we had the whole family over for dinner. Instant family survives another holiday. I knew this year at Christmas that this would be the last one spent where it wasn't all about me. Dammit. ; )

I'm really trying hard at the gym, but my results seem more like that commercial where the lady dons her jogging suit and headband to jog to her car to go to Wendy's. But without a frosty!

Oakley peed in a shampoo bottle while he was bathing and then put the cap back on. When Brian went to shower the next morning at 5 am he couldn't figure out why the shampoo was so runny and smelt so bad. We all had a good laugh, after being perplexed for about half a day as to how to handle the situation from the parental standpoint. Our way of handling it "Oakley, sweetie, please don't pee in shampoo bottles anymore". Another thing that I never thought would come out of my mouth.

I have decided to wait a couple of years before we get a dog. Right now it's just too hard with Oakley being so young, he just can't control his impulses yet.

My sister broke her foot while enjoying a platformed, drunken leap. Friends don't let friends drink and leap in platforms. She didn't go to the doctor for four days and was walking on it the whole time. I just shake my head, and remember the times that I showed up to work still drunk with my clothes not matching, trying to recall the night before. So glad those days are behind me, I just wish I remembered more of them!

Is it over yet?

My day:

First of all it was absolutely impossible for me to get out of bed this morning. I was awake for an hour before I finally dragged my lazy ass out of bed and stumbled into my closet to throw on warm up pants and one of Brian's marathon t-shirts... which brings the questions from everyone (oh. Did you run the marathon, no... no I didn't. Do I look like I can run period? No, no I don't.) I don't want to be awake and I am still in a little bit of shock from finding out that my Uncle died yesterday. Not quite sure how to register that one.

Work is still completely screwed up. Person 1: Hi Nisha, do this. Person 2: If you wait a little longer you won't have to do that. Person 1: Here's more of the same stuff to do, why aren't you working on it? Argh.

Friday lunch, ADI buys it and brings it in. Customer service needs to eat at their desks by their phone and answer it throughout. This is your lunch "break". I wish I still smoked.

One day it will be great

So, my work has finally upgraded from DOS Peachtree to a Windows based program. In the meantime we have all had to try and quickly learn the software (with about an hour of training) while maintaining the same level of customer service. Even though we are switching between two systems and mostly don't have a clue. Backorders haven't been shipped or received for two days, pricing is off, all sorts of fun stuff. I dreamt all last night about putting orders in the new system. Hardly slept... and can't wait to go home. I have some extra time because everything has stopped while they try to make the UPS shipping system work right along with our new software. We specialize in selling software.. how is it that this is so darn difficult? We are also in the process of interviewing for a new person in Customer Service. Scared of whoever that will be. The last girl was cute (seems to be a pre requisite) but kept showing up to work still drunk from the night before spent bar hopping and hip hop dancing in zero clothes. Tons of fun.

I toI just want to go home and go to sleep. Only a half hour left, why am I here? This is unknown. Part of the lack of communication that seems to keep this office in orbit... or it's version of what should be an orbit, movement or something to that effect.

I ate way too many jelly beans today and made myself sick. I ordered some flip flops that haven't arrived yet. My books from Amazon were sent snail mail and I currently have nothing to read and must resort to half-ass watching Brian watch basketball. I hate basketball, a bunch of delinquents throwing a ball around and clearly talking shit to eachother. We can read lips... what kind of example are they trying to be to children. Oh, that's right... they don't give a shit. Sportsmanship? No, they're much to busy getting away with sexual assaults.

My sister is dating my ex boyfriend.

More than you ever wanted to know about me

(X) smoked a cigarette (smoked since I was 17, I have since quit (again))
(X) smoked a cigar.
(X) smoked a joint (puff puff give!)
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) stolen a car
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped (yes, more than I'd like to admit)
(X) shoplifted
(X) been fired (on purpose though, I didn't go to work one day and spent it in bed with a hot boy)
(_) been in a fist fight
(X) snuck out of my parent's house
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(X) made out with a stranger (he he)
(X) gone on a blind date (Prom my sophomore year...)
(X) lied to a friend
(_) had a crush on a teacher
(_) been to Europe
(X) skipped school (I had problems with my attendance)
(_) seen someone die
(_) had a crush on one of your myspace friends
(_) been to Canada
(X) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
(X) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) thrown up in a bar... (he he)
(_) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(X) eaten Sushi
(_) been snowboarding - yeah right!
(X) met someone in person from the internet (I know, but he was cute!)
(X) been moshing at a concert (I didn't mean to, Julie and I got stuck in the pit at an AFI concert.. she got her hair ripped out)
(_) been in an abusive relationship
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
(X) had a tea party (do Long Island's count?)
(_) flown a kite - I don't think I've ever successfully done that
(X) built a sand castle (does a big hole count?)
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up (Hell yes, unfortunately there are many, many pictures of this)
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
(X) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
(X) fallen asleep at work/SCHOOL (I got in big trouble because I kept falling asleep in Kindergarten and I used to nap in the bathroom lounge of NAR)
(X) used a fake id
(X) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake
(X) touched a snake (one eyed and otherwise
(X) slept beneath the stars
(X) been tickled (don't touch me)
(X) been robbed - my car got broken into once, but they didn't really get much
(X) been misunderstood
(X) petted a reindeer/goat
(_) won a contest
(X) ran a red light
(_) been suspended from school
(X) been in a car accident (not bad though, just fender benders..)
(X) had braces
(X) felt like an outcast
(X) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) had deja vu
(X) danced in the moonlight
(X) hated the way you look
(X) witnessed a crime
(_) pole danced (yeah right, scared of that)
(_) been obsessed with post-it notes
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost (all the freakin time!)
(X) been to the opposite side of the country (Virginia and Georgia)
(X) swam in the ocean (Clara and I nearly drowned, don't smoke pot and then swim in rip tides)
(X) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
(X) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(X) sung karaoke (also scared of this one, thank GOD there were no video cameras!
(_) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) made prank phone calls when you were younger
(_) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) danced in the rain
(X) written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) been kissed under the mistletoe (hell, I had sex under my Christmas tree once!)
(X) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(_) made a bonfire on the beach
(X) crashed a party
(X) gone rollerskating (Clara and I used to a lot in our basement, we did roller dances to Elvis songs)
(X) had a wish come true
(_) humped a monkey
( ) worn pearls
(_) jumped off a bridge
(_) screamed "penis" in public
(_) ate dog/cat food
(X) told a complete stranger you loved them (damn alchohol)
(X) kissed a mirror
(X) sang in the shower
(_) have a little black dress
(X) had a dream that you married someone
(_) glued your hand to something
(_) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
(_) kissed a fish
(X) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(X) been a cheerleader
(X) sat on a roof top
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel (I can't even do one w/ two hands)
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) stayed up all night
(_) didn't take a shower for a week (No, but I would LOVE that!)
(_) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(_) climbed a tree
(X) had a tree house - My cousin had one I played in . . does that count?
(X) are scared to watch scary movies
(X) believe in ghosts
(_) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(_) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(_) gone streaking
(X) played ding-dong-ditch-
(X) played chicken
(X) pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(X) been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger (not that they were sober)
(_) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused he he.
(X) caught a fish then ate it
(X) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
(X) mooned someone
(X) had someone moon/flash you
(X) cheated on a test
(X) have a Britney Spears CD
(X) forgotten someone's name?
(X) slept naked
(X) French braided someone's hair?
(X) grown a beard (I don't want to talk about it)
(_) belong to the KKK.
(_) rule at Life
(_) Been to more than 10 Countries

Blah freakin blah blah

I've been quite the slacker lately eh? I have every intention of keeping up on this, but time just slips away, and I only have computer access at work. And, unfortunately I'm not a slacker at work.

Nothing much new. Although, surprisingly I am loving the whole domesticated thing. Brian and I are just happy as freakin clams doing dishes together and things like that. He cooks and we watch TV and just hang out. We have had people over a couple of times and it's a lot of fun to be little hosts.

Oakley and the cat are pretty tight, I noticed the other day that she smelt like Brian's cologne. Oakley had sprayed her with it and brushed her teeth, apparantly he wanted her to smell good. Sigh.

Things are getting busy again. I got the new Leann Womack CD and her greatest hits last night and I now carry them wherever I go and listen to them. I may have a problem, but recommend them.

I read my first John Grisham novel, I always thought of him as too main stream to begin reading. I enjoyed it though, read it in a weekend.

the party don't start til 6 in the Mornin'...

Argh, another early day at the office. I will be here for about twelve hours today. I finally finished entering in all of the lost backorders, but now I am left with paperwork without orders and orders without paperwork so I have to be a detective and try to track down what on earth is going on with them. In the meantime, people are probably wondering where their orders are. And yet, I find time to do this.

I finished reading The Glass Castle last night by Jeannette Walls. I couldn't put it down. I related to it so much, of course on a much smaller scale. I highly recommend it.

The weekend will be spent doing laundry, Oakley and I may go to a movie on Saturday and on Sunday we plan on taking Brian's grandma swimming and then we will come home and maybe hang out with some friends. I just want to sleep and find another good book.

ET Phone Home

So I still don't have a home phone. I finally got Qwest out to my house to set it up and they found that the wiring is installed incorrectly. It goes through the attic and maybe one of the workers put a nail through the wiring. We also realized that that was the only phone jack in the entire house. I guess when we didn't get upgrades on our house, no one was kidding around! I use Brian's cell phone but he is an absolute freak about his minutes and hovers over me while motioning for me to "wrap it up". I didn't understand why something was missing out of my life since I've been in the new house. What did I do in the apartment to occupy time? Oh yeah, talk on the phone for hours at a time.

I called the house people and she said she would try to get an electrician out on Monday (this was on Friday) but that she needed it in writing. What? Anyways, I filled out the form and the second question was home phone number! Argh. Needless to say, nothing yet. I am paying for phone service that doesn't exist. I paid last month for them to hook it up to my old apartment. Maybe I am meant to dissappear into obscurity, I doubt it though... I want to talk people's ears off again!

Mean Monkeys

Saturday night Brian and I didn't sleep a wink. The mattress that we had was so small and squeaky and my side sunk down so I had to hold on to keep from falling out of bed. He woke up and told me that he had a dream about monkeys... monkeys, I asked "yeah, mean monkeys" he said. The next morning he had had enough and decided that we needed to buy a new mattress. We don't have the money to buy a new mattress and to top it off I ran off to the grocery store with his debit card and spent double what I should have. I thought he was going to kill me! Luckily, when I got home the neighbor called me over and said that he had a brand new king sized mattress that he was giving away. They downsized their Phoenix house by about half the size and can't fit all of thir things in their new place. They are 80 and wanted to live where it was cooler. I was so excited because this dear man just saved my ass, and the money it would have cost to buy a new mattress. When Brian got home I quickly told him about the mattress, and added softly what I spent on groceries.

I imagine that when most couples move things that they communicate, you grab that end, we'll turn it on its side and I'll go first... things of that nature. Not Brian and I. We lift up and he yells at me for not doing what he is thinking, I throw down whatever I am helping to lift and tell him to do it his damn self. He tells me that I have no sense on how to move things, tries to do it himself and then has to come and apologize to me and promise that it won't happen again so that i will help him. Between moving our old mattress out, moving the new mattress in the garage while we moved the headboard into Oakley's room and then finally getting the new mattress in to our room, this happened about four or five times.

Now, over the past couple of days I have learned that a couple of people are concerned about my relationship and are wondering why I am considering getting married when we fight so much. I think that I should clarify that it's Brian's passion that I love about him. The fact that he gets so irritated and mad and we yell is just part of what I think is great about us. We don't do it in front of Oakley and we always end up crompromising and making up. If we got along all of the time I would get irritated and bored. I have been known to start stupid fights for this very same reason. He is teaching me to be less sensitive and I am teaching him to be less of an asshole. Someday this may even out in which case we will need to find something else to fight about.

Mother's Day Insults

As long as I have been doing clerical work I have never thought of myself as a secretary, although I don't know that we should have gone as far as to change Secretary's Day to Administrative Professional's Day. That makes it sound like a bunch of us had taken time from our typing to bitch about the title, while burning our bras and swapping recipes.

One day that I didn't think could be insulting was this Sunday, Mother's day. Saturday I was going to come in to work (I have been working my ass off to try and re enter hundreds of orders) but everyone who was also going to come in to work... well... didn't. So I decided that I was in need of some retail therapy and headed to the mall. I had just bought a new shirt the night before and it was spaghetti strapped, elastic over the boobs and then flowy (like the ones we all wore in the 80's) I just loved it. I found some perfume and decided to buy it, one because I haven't bought perfume for myself in a long time and two because my boyfriend told me a few days ago that I stunk. I had the lady at Dillards helping me and my total was around $45, she said that there is a free watch for orders over $58, "but since tomorrow is Mother's Day and you are WITH CHILD, I will give it to you anyways". I didn't know what to say so I smiled and took the watch, signed my receipt and went home very butt hurt. I have this stupid watch to show for it and I hate it, I want to slam it against my counters at home.

On Sunday I was with Oakley at the grocery store and everyone kept asking him if he did anything for me for Mother's Day. He's six and didn't know what to say... I'm not his mom! Poor thing, I know that everyone was just trying to be nice, but my hell! I have talked to other girls in the office that ran into the same thing. I don't know of any suggestions to fix all of this, but I sure do feel that I deserve to bitch. I am very proud of making it this far without children, don't wish me a Happy Mother's Day until I am ready to celebrate!

I will write more about the woes of free mattresses.

Jason accused me of "petering off" on my blog entries. I wanted to quote that because I thought it sounded funny and also point out that I have been working 13 hour days to try and save the company's ass and re enter lost data.

Sigh...

The system that we enter all of our orders in has been down for two days now. This should make me appreciate the technology more... but instead we all hate "stupid peachtree". Yesterday we had to write all orders by hand and I had to do all backorders by hand. Then today, once things are up and running, we will be able to go in and completely redo everything we did by hand yesterday. Why wasn't I sick this week instead? ; )

I watched Meet the Fockers last night. Brian and I really enjoyed it especially since we will be getting our families together soon for the wedding. They are beyond opposites also. Brian can't wait to get a bunch of people together that normally wouldn't hang out and just watch what happens. I can't stress about that though, there's plenty more to worry about. He really wants to push for the end of October. We still have to find out what the assessor estimated our house worth at to find out if we will even have the money to throw it all together.

My cat was such a sweet and well behaved kitten. Now she's so naughty all of the time! She is definitely testing boundaries. Last night she was on the kitchen counter looking at us to see if we were going to let her stay or not! The squirt bottle is getting a work out.

Male behavior

Living with two males has taught me a few things:

1. Wrestling and knocking eachother over until one or both are pissed off or crying is a term of endearment. Pretending to punch one in the head or fart on the other means you feel very deeply for that person.

2. NEVER sit down on any toilet seat without checking it first. Either it will be up, or wet, or any other unimaginable prospects.

4. Kittens are not meant to simply pet and look at. They should be placed on your head whenever possible and made to dance hula style.

5. Farting is very, very funny.

6. Cleaning food out of your beard or off of your face is not necessary until the meal is over and then it is usually done with the back of your hand.

7. Sleeping requires at least three pillows. Your mate only needs one.

8. Rocky is great entertainment. All five of them.

9. Putting laundry away means putting the entire load in one place, unfolded and out of sight. Hangers are a waste of time.

I know that I will continue to learn more and more and this is what scares me.

My weekend started off with a mini breakdown after my sister told me I may want to go on the atkins diet before getting married because I have a large ass. Brian didn't disagree right away and this led to absolute hysterics complete with covers over my head and toilet paper everywhere. I guess it didn't help that I had a heating pad in tow for my massive cramps. I can laugh about it now, but lord help anyone that tried to see the humor in it on Friday night.

We went yesterday to get directions from Brian's parents on how to take care of their house and Grandma while they are in Europe for a month.

I have decided that I would like all of my bridesmaids to perform the Nepolian Dynamite dance at my reception.

The detached head

A counselor told me one time that when a child suffers trauma while they are young that they create certain survival skills to get through. Oddly enough, I taught myself to detach from my own body. I honestly do not mentally connect with my body at all. There are times that I don't recognize my own limbs. This is a huge reason for my lack of coordination. I can't catch, dance, or anything of the sort. I need to regain that mind/body connection and that's one of the main reasons that I do Yoga (or attempt to do Yoga). Where most people find it easy to be conscience of their movements I feel that I am a head with parts portruding off of it. One time in a little boutique I was trying to move out of the way for a lady to get through a small doorway. I seemed to keep getting in her way. I couldn't believe it when I finally realized it was a mirror, how does one lose herself so drastically? I am determined to undo this.

I am still working on getting well. Brian is getting very irritated with the fact that he can't seem to shake this cold. He is supposed to run a 10k race tomorrow, but probably won't be able to. He trained for months for this, it's a little disappointing.

I can't wait for the weekend. Hopefully I won't be bed-ridden for this one.

Down with the sickness

It doesn't look good. Everyone that I have talked to have had this for two weeks to a month. Oakley had it first but it's hard to tell with little ones how bad they really feel. I found it odd a few times when he just took a couple of naps out of the blue. He decided to nap at the top of the stairs at his Oma and Opa's house one time so that he could still feel like part of the group and not miss anything. Now that more people are getting this and blaming me I feel horrible. It's amazing how quickly it can spread. If you ever wonder about the eight degrees of separation, just watch where your cold ends up!

So far my best symptom fighters have been decongestants (day time and night time) pineapple juice (for congestion) and honey for my cough. Cough syrup, pain killers, cough drops, antibiotics... none of it has worked otherwise.

Heather said that when she woke up this morning there was magic in the air. I told her that if any of that magic contained immunity to send it my way.

So sick of being sick...

I just want to sit down and throw a tantrum I am so over not feeling well!

I entered in a huge order at work and then realized that the reseller gets special pricing because of the total of this order. We are scrambling to figure out a way to get them that pricing without me having to go in and edit all 150+ line items. And I keep COUGHING!

I took Oakley to school this morning and his mom will pick him up. I just watched him walk across the playground with his backpack for awhile, he is really stealing my heart.

I am finally getting together with Meagan tonight for dinner to catch up. After living with her for months I seem to go through withdrawals when I don't know what she had for breakfast and all other details of her life. Souper Salad... gotta love it.

Monday, Monday....

Days like this usually have the Mamas and the Papas singing in the background of my mind. Somewhat mundane, hard to get back in the swing of things. My cough has gotten worse and keeps me up most of the night, I am better throughout the day and I can't complain about that.

Last night I was walking down the hall and heard what sounded like gurgling bubbles coming from the toilet, I was afraid to lift the lid so I yelled out the garage door for Brian to come quick. We just thought that maybe the toilet was clogged until I happened to notice that both tubs had about an inch and a half of sewage in them. We had Roto Rooter at the house at 9 pm last night snaking our sewer, yes.. it's beginning to sink in that I am a homeowner.

I am very blah...

There's the bell! I'm late for first period!

So, I find out this morning that my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend (please keep in mind he has been my ex for about a year now) is talking shit about me. Saying that I'm psycho. I feel like I am in high school again and I can't wait to take my cat into her stupid vet office and confront her. She should at least have a conversation with me before she makes those kinds of judgments, I don't hide the fact that I am psycho, Hellooo! I am female! So I am irritated that it happened, irritated that I live in a small enough town that it got back to me through a new waitress that happened to be talking to Brian and mostly irritated that I am irritated! I really shouldn't give a damn.

This morning before I left I found my cat in a box in my closet. It was the cutest thing, all I could see were two green eyes blinking at me. She didn't want to get out, but I keep the bedroom door closed during the day so that she doesn't rip up the bed canopy. She is just a little ball of cute.

Heather's speech was so amazing last night. It didn't bog you down with statistics and horrifying stories, it was rather uplifting and inspiring. I cried. I was so proud when she got off stage and came to sit by me... like, I'm with the awesome girl that is changing the world. I got to see Elaine too and I love catching up with her.

Today's my dad's b-day and I can't forget to call. I wrote it on my hand so I won't (knock on wood)

I was up all night coughing. I honestly don't think that I got more than a couple hours of uninteruppted sleep. I hate this, I am ready to be well again.

Well...

I pussed out and had to go home early yesterday. Once the vomitting started I was through. My jeans are easier to get on today... lol, not that I would want to go through this again to lose weight. I have Aunts that used to wish that they would get in a horrible accident and have to get their jaws wired shut so that they would be skinny. That's the most irritating comment I think I've heard to this day.

My friend Heather is staying with me tonight. She is giving a speech at the women's walk in Prescott and me and her mom are going to go watch her. I'm so excited to see her and spend time with her, and even more excited to show off my gorgeous house. I am in the midst of washing sheets and I need to Lysol the place so that nobody else gets sick. It's Spring time, enough of this crap.

Brian had a few too many last night and was talking about some accent pieces he would like to get, like a coat of arms in our hallway. First of all, I am absolutely petrified of statues and life-size things, especially ones lurking in hallways around corners. Second of all, where would we find such a thing and would it cost us our first born, third... what the #$ck!? A Suit of Arms! He said that it would be a tribute to our familie's heritage... he's adopted and I don't know what the hell my heritage is. Then he said maybe a bald eagle statue and an American Flag... neither of us are patriotic and again... STATUE!

Brian said that this would be a great time to face my fears. I suggested in that case that we get a monkey (he is so scared of monkeys), a midget, and a poodle. He said the monkey would be fine if it played football with him, the poodle would just be gross and he would kick it and he doesn't want a midget running around... I forgot that that's one of my issues too. I think it's funny that he doesn't picture a midget walking, it would only run. I might have to kick it in that case.

Tuesday Flu Blues

On Monday I started to feel pretty shitty. By that night I was so miserable. I stayed home yesterday and all of my joints hurt, even my hair hurt. At about seven last night I broke out into a cold sweat and started to feel better. It just felt so odd to sit there and sweat profusely. This is probably pretty disgusting to anyone reading, so I will shut up. Brian was sick before me and becuase we have been having restless nights we haven't slept in the same bed for a few days. I don't like that at all. Neither does he.

I remember in high school when I was home sick I loved to watch day time TV all day long. This was not the case yesterday, there was literally nothing on. I used to love to watch A Wedding Story. I would almost always cry. Yesterday I thought that the groom was a little feminine and thought that it was great that he could still find love. Well, it was a lesbian couple, which is fine... really I don't have a problem with that. It's just not as cute when the groom bursts into tears when there is the possibility that she could have PMS.

I'm pretty sure that it hasn't completely sunk in yet that I am actually living in this beautiful house. It is so perfect. Maybe once I clean it the first time it will! We are probably going to refinance already because we had to go through a preferred lender of the housing development who jerked us around. Brian has a family friend that can do a much better job and I think we may have already locked in a better rate. If we can already get some of the equity out of the house (it's value went up $15,000 before we even moved in) then Brian wants to plan a quick wedding and be married in September. I am so happy, but the thought of wedding stress on top of new homeowner stress... wow! I might as well run out and get knocked up while I'm at it, not that I would run far.

So, there's a tentative September or October wedding date... mark your calendars! I have to laugh because I know some of you have heard me say this type of thing before! lol.

You know skills, numchuck skills, bowstaff skills

I have my own little Napolean Dynamite at home. Little Oakley never ceases to just crack me up. He even has blue moon boots that he is extremely attached to. I was so excited when there wasn't any snow and I could talk him out of wearing them, but then he informed me that they were his mud boots. Yesterday he was practicing his T-ball skills with his Opa (grandpa) and as they were talking about how great he is doing I happened to glance out the window and see that he was wrapping himself up in the rope/ball... like he was the tether ball pole! I just love that little boy. He makes me laugh so hard.

I got my closet put together finally. It isn't easy trying to share it with someone else. Once I was finished Brian remembered that he had three more boxes of clothes in the garage. Sigh.

Brian's dad is upset with me because I made the comment that I want an engagement ring before I get joint car insurance with Brian. We haven't exactly been the perfect couple with all of the stress of the house and he hasn't talked about the wedding in a long time. I just wanted to make sure that things were going to change and get better before I started to make those decisions (I know, I am living with him... but somehow that's different). Brian understands now and will talk to his dad for me. I hate having people upset with me, but I want to do the engagement thing right this time. I want to have a ring and be planning for a wedding before I sign a Power of Attorney for Brian to make car insurance decisions for me. I guess this all sounds a little odd, somehow it makes sense to me.

Some friends came over this weekend to see the house and hang out. It was fun. I didn't realize that two of the girls didn't like eachother! Oh well, they seemed to make it through ok.

Brian finally has most of his music room set up so that he can start writing and recording again. I am so glad, it is really good for him to have that output for his emotions.

Me and two girls from work are talking in nothing but Nepolian Dynamite (I spell that different/wrong ever time I write it!) quotes lately. It keeps us cracking up. That movie slays me! I guess they have Liger air freshners, bred for their skills in magic.

I am having such a hard time trying to get motivated! I have my change of address form on my desk, I guess there are some things that I will take the plunge and do without being engaged! lol. Brian said that it's just a matter of finances right now, we may refinance the house already and get money out of it. We will probably use that money for a ring/wedding. This makes me very happy.

Yawns and stretches

I can honestly say that I think this has been one of the longest days of my life! This work day seems to have taken the equivilant of three 8 hour shifts. I don't know if it's tax day and suddenly schools have decided that, because they are getting shit for tax dollars, they don't need to buy new software for the ungrateful children in attendance or what.

I am feeling more and more large these days. We have lovely captain's chairs as part of the dining room set that we got for free from Brian's Grandmother. I love that the table is antique and used to seat his family, I do not like, however, that my ass barely fits in them. It's like trying to sit in one of those baby swings at the park. I keep thinking that perhaps this means I will remember not to eat as much. But instead I like to stand and shovel food into my mouth. I will start doing my yoga again, lord knows I need the added flexibility. I have to grab my other leg to try to cross my leg and tying my shoes is becoming a bigger chore with every bite!

I still have an hour in this hell hole. The techno music being played in the background has my body very confused. Perhaps it's the very end of the party where all of my drugs and booze have worn off and I no longer care if I get laid or a phone number. Thank God those days are over. Also, thank God that I was able to live a little. I was engaged to be married like 10 days after my 21st birthday. That would have been beyond disastrous.

My future father in law has found it very necessary to call me like three times today at work with nothing much to say other than he would like to hang out with Oakley this weekend and bought him a baseball mit at a garage sale for $3. While I find this all very fascinating, it is also a little perplexing as I have never had a future father in law or instant son for him to buy a baseball mit for at said garage sale.

The joys of my instant family are immense. However, I worry all of the damn time. I don't have the luxury of raising an infant into a six year old, suddenly I have a six year old. He had a bump on his arm and I was convinced that it was a spider bite that may kill him in his sleep. This meant checking on him excessivly. I also linger outside the bathroom door while he bathes, if babies can drown in those plastic buckets, my new kindergartner can most certainly drown in the tub. Thank God he enjoys making animal noises and singing so I don't have to open the door to check on him.

Brian plays the guitar while he shits. I like to lay outside the door and listen to the music.

Comfy Green Micro Fiber

I am very thankful that I bought such a comfortable new couch. I didn't realize that I would be butt-hurt and sleeping on it already. Brian doesn't even know why, the coffee thing wasn't as cute this morning.

Why in the hell is it that Mexican and Christian stations come in the best? Do they have some sort of "in" with the radio waves? It drives me crazy. This morning I even found a Spanish Hip-Hop station. Just another sign that I might live in Arizona.

I watched Spanglish last night and really enjoyed it. Adam Sandler is starting to creep me out though. Some of his characters seem that they could snap at any moment, and it's not as funny as it used to be. The actress in there was very beautiful, I was even staring at her. Maybe she knows why her music comes over so well on my damn radio.

The scent of hazelnut in the morning

I woke up to find that Brian had made me coffee before he went to work this morning. He had written a cute note (per the fight we had last night and the fact that I cried... not cute crying, the kind with the hyperventalating and snot, mascara, and saliva on my face crying) He had laid out the creamer and sugar and a spoon. It's all about presentation, the joys of dating a chef! I just love the shit out of him. We get Oakley a day early tonight, I love it when he's around. The new kitten is dying for attention so they can maul eachother and all will be well.

I made sure to put on deoderant this morning. Yesterday I was frantically looking for money to put gas in my car and completely forgot to put anything on that smelt remotely good. I was running on fumes... and putting off fumes!

We have a pot luck today for one of the employees that is leaving. She's been here for 11 years!~ This means that the food will be on the table directly in front of me and I will probably eat entirely too much throughout the day. What a great way to celebrate the moving on of a co-worker! She will be missed though.

virgin blogger

So, it's my first time... go easy on me. One of my favorite people in the world has a blog that simply cracks me up all of the time. It also alleviates him emailing me all of the great information and the stress that follows where I think I need to be bright enough to respond. So Jason baby... you're the reason for my blog cherry popping.

I have decided that my diet is probably one of the worst in the nation. I had chex mix for breakfast, a pickle for lunch and grabbed a package of microwave popcorn (lite of course!) to snack on this afternoon.

I just moved in to a brand new beautiful house with my boyfriend of eight months. You would think that I would want to wait until we were together longer or even engaged to take such a leap of faith, but we have decided to do things completely backwards. I find that I am so excited to go home and vacuum or do laundry. I understand now why people become such homebodies. The part that has me a little perplexed is the things that I suddenly have to take into consideration. Trash day? Sprinklers? Landscaping? and window dressings... that should just come with the house. It's like when I moved out of the house for the first time and realized that toilet paper doesn't just appear under the sink. You have to BUY it!

I am being extremely irresponsible and doing this at work, so I will write more later. . .