Enchanted

"I finally get it" said Heather as we glided out of Tim's Toyota Center still under the spell of Stevie Nicks. Over the 6 years that we've known eachother she's listened to me ramble about how she is my absolute favorite. Hell, I wanted to name this baby Rhiannon but that was quickly vetoed by my husband. I know many of the stories behind her songs and cried in my gray Stevi-like dress when I snuck into a Pharmacists convention to see her in San Diego when I was 19. I honestly don't think that anyone can completely grasp the presence that is Ms. Nicks until you see her in concert. The scarves, the shawls, the boots, the spinning it's intoxicating.

My sister was able to put a check next to one of her "to do" items on her life list after Friday night. She danced, she cried, she pissed off the lady in front of her by sloshing a little whiskey. When I say she cried I suppose that's an understatement. During landslide she had a mini-breakdown. I do blame Stevie though, while singing this song she had a slideshow of pictures of her and her father in the background. Poor Clara walked (ok stumbled) out with no mascara on her eyelashes but instead had it strategically wiped all over her eyelids and cheek bones. I sat dry-eyed but remembered dancing to Landslide with my dad at my wedding. I didn't cry all day but suddenly let out a sob as we danced. This was the song that I would listen to when I was in California and realized that I had been a stubbon, dramatic fool. I even taped it and sent it to my dad - whether or not he listened to it I'll never know but that was my way of saying "I screwed up, you were right".

Evelynn wasn't overly active during the concert but I did stand and hold my belly while I danced with her. I imagine this isn't the last time that we will rock to these songs.

Rhiannon was by far my favorite song that she performed. I had goosebumps and a lump in my throat. This was closely followed by Gold Dust Woman and Lanslide.

Call her a witch, call her dried up but I call her amazing. I call her music an escape to poetry and rhaspy throats from belting out lyrics and slamming my hand on the steering wheel. She is and always has been completely enchanting.

27 Candles

I feel like Molly Ringwald today where it seems like nothing right can happen on her birthday. I really hope it ends with a cake and Jake Ryan.

I woke up this morning on the verge of tears - probably left over from being quite butt hurt yesterday when my husband told me that he had scheduled band practice for tonight. He un-scheduled it but the damage is already done. I got to work to find out that a person that I used to be super close to who I got the job here and has been here less time than me was moving into her own office. I then got an email saying that the pay cuts would go into August. At lunch I came home to Buddy having shit on the carpet (I didn't get too mad because I asked Oakley to let him out this morning and I'm not sure if he did - it's not like the dog to do that and he hasn't since he was a puppy). The afternoon is picking up. The carrot cake from the company helped. A regular paycheck would have been better.

Brian is making me dinner tonight and we will all hang out and have a quiet evening together.

Clara and Brandy get here on Friday and this is more needed than I thought it would be. My bday party has turned into a full-fledged pity party. . . and if anyone can snap me out of that it's them.

So - bring on Stevie Nicks and the baby shower. Maybe that's my equivilant to Jake Ryan and a cake.

Transition Day

Any step-parent can recognize and dread the term transition day. This is the day that you get your stepson/daughter and the day that you send them back.

The day that you get them you spend the entire day insisting that all the rules are the same and do, in fact, still exist. This makes for a very awkward day because you are so excited to see them. In cases like mine where my stepson has zero rules at his mom's house this can make for an interesting day.

The worst is the transition day when you have to send them back to their other life. Yes, this is a fact of life for a stepmother, but it's certainly not easy. Never have I been relieved to see him go. Instead I dread what kind of week he will have. What nonsense will be put into his head, what kind of people he will be taken around, where he will be sleeping, etc.

The uneasiness of this day is multiplied by 20 when said mother changes her plans 4-5 times a day. There have been times that Oakley has been patiently waiting on the couch, with his coat on for his mother to come only to get a phone call after 30 minutes of waiting that it won't be until later that afternoon.

Today she was supposed to come and pick him up between 12 and 3. Very ambiguous if you ask me. Of course this was met with the behavior of Who's rules do I follow between now and then? How much can I get away with? What kind of punishment can I get if I'm leaving today anyways? Where exactly do I belong? Is it wrong to be excited to go to my mom's? Is it wrong to be a little sad to leave my dad's? Also, the dreaded "ask your stepmother a million times how much longer until my mom gets here". Which, even the most level-headed person gets a little butt hurt upon hearing. Today she called at 11:30 and talked to Oakley to find out what to pack for Camp Verde. She has been complaining a lot that it's too hard to let him go and that she cries because she misses him so much. Fine. Come get him first thing Sunday morning. Oh no! Instead she calls at 11:30 and says that she'll be here between 3 & 4 (change of plans #2). Then she calls and says that her car doesn't have air conditioning and that she was wondering if we would bring him into town so she doesn't "have to drive all the way to Dewey" (not like I don't do it every morning to take him to his "school".) Change of plans # 3. I was pissed - we don't have a/c in our cars either. Brian has been at work since 4 am. I told her that it was up to Brian and he AGREED to come home from working all day, pick up Oakley, turn back around and drive a half hour and then drive all the way back home.

I find it very hard to believe that a woman that truly misses her child would even take an air conditioner into consideration. My daughter isn't born yet but I would walk to the ends of the earth if I hadn't seen her for a week. She even has the audacity to tell Oakley that she cries while he's gone because she misses him so much. No child should have that kind of burden.

So - today was like many Sundays. A confused little boy not sure how to express his feelings and a pissed off stepmother - angry that she is the more qualified person for the job, but will never equal his mother. I've accepted this. Is it easy? Hell no.

Might have been the Iced Soy Mocha!

She cooperated! She had her feet up and she was playing with her toes. Perfect time to catch a peek. I really hope that her vagina is never on the internet again! But here she is in all of her glory! I'm so excited! Now if I could only win the lottery and begin shopping! (or if only I had a nickel for every freakin' exclamation point - my hell! Sorry! haha.)

I had to whore myself for diapers...

It seems like everyone has a story of falling on hard times while they were pregnant. "we were so young... your father had been laid off... your father had gotten his 2nd DUI (this one is a personal one from my childhood!)... Grandma died... the great depression began", etc.

But not me! I waited until I was married and had my own house, dog, cat and husband. I was "doing it the right way". That is until...

1. My work cut our pay by 20% - which has equalled over $400 a month.
2. My dog tore his claw and the vet bills cost $270 (so far).
3. The air conditioners went out on my car - and Brian's.
4. My state tax refund has yet to arrive
5. Work started doing layoffs - which so far I have avoided
6. Medical bills for prenatal care started rolling in.
7. HOA dues are due.
8. Just to begin and name a few.

I have to shake my head and chuckle a little. Or else I would cry. I waited until I was 27 to start a family. People do it at 16 and make it look easier. They have multiple children. I am petrified of affording one. My dad had two daughters without health insurance. My grandma had her first baby at 15. Surely we can get through this.

Perhaps this is just part of the pregnancy experience. It will give me a chance to gingerly remind my hellion teenager of all that I had to endure while pregnant with her. Of course then I will throw in the birth story (exaggerated of course because my labor will be fairly quick and painless - with absolutely no tearing).

Speaking of vaginas - fingers crossed that the baby flashes hers tomorrow! 80% just isn't good enough for me.