3 Months

Dear Evie,

If this were a job then I would have officially passed the 90-day probabtionary period. In many ways it feels like I have. You have gone, nearly overnight, from a baby that needs to be held at all times and doesn't do much - to a regular infant. You love to play and bat at the rings hanging from your little flower arc. You even wear yourself out to the point where you take naps from 1-2 hours long! This is when things start to get fun!

You had your first shots this month (well, the first ones that weren't in the nursery right after you were born). This was awful. Daddy had to hold down your arms and you were smiling and talking to him like it was a game and suddenly you let out a cry like I've never heard before. All I could do was sit there and cry while they stuck you three times with 6 different vaccines. I think that daddy was pretty close to crying himself. Even worse, it's not going to be the last time. Like daddy said (being the ever-so eloquent man that he is) better to have a few moments of pain than a lifetime of polio! This picture is of you the day after the shots. You didn't feel good at all and were such a little cuddler. I hated that you felt so crumby... but I thoroughly enjoyed all of the cuddling! And all that sleeping you did? I got a lot accomplished!

I have to say that you really hit the jackpot as far as big brothers are concerned. Oakley is so sweet to you and you think he's pretty darn funny! Today when we were leaving the store Oakley jumped up and ran to open the door for mommy so that she could put you in your car seat. He is very thoughtful like that and is always looking out for you.

For nearly three months you constantly had one piece of glitter on the top of your head. It didn't matter how many baths you got - somewhere there was a piece of glitter. We racked our brains to figure out where it was coming from but we still haven't figured it out. It's finally gone. Aunt Clara and I think that's where the fairies kissed you on top of the head! Those magical kisses are hard to wash off!

Mommy got laid off this month and without you and your smiles things would have seemed much more hopeless. It's hard to feel too much stress or sadness when you have a beautiful, healthy baby at home. All is right with the world now that you are in it. I have been told quite a few times that I have a glow about me. Nothing gets to me too much anymore. I have my family and this makes me complete.

I start my new job on Monday and will be doing another job on the side. I used to be off on Fridays and I could come home on lunch and see you every day Monday-Thursday. I won't be able to do that anymore and it breaks my heart to think about it. You will be hanging out with daddy and Aunt Clara. I know that you will be in wonderful hands ... but I'd rather them be my hands. I hope that someday you understand why I work so hard. I hope that you understand why Daddy is up hours before the sun rises and still finds the energy to play with you, Oakley and Buddy every afternoon. It's because we love you and want you to have the world.

At Mommy's "Farewell Potluck" in a very silent moment you decided to let out the loudest most obnoxious fart. People were shocked that something that big could come out of something so small. That's my girl! Timing and class all the way. Couldn't have shared my sentiments any better!

You figured out how to splash and kick in the tub and you love it! We sing "Tubby Tubby Time" to the tune of "Happy Holidays" and you kick to your heart's content! The bedtime routine of: witching hour (cranky, tired baby that doesn't want to admit that she's tired), bath time, naked baby time... where you are also cranky because you don't want to be cold, nursing, cuddling, putting you down and holding your binky, nursing again, followed by sleep seems to be really catching on~!

I still can't walk more than 10 steps in public without someone stopping me to comment on how beautiful you are. One day in Red Robin we had the entire wait staff stop at one time or another to love on you... even other tables were smiling and waving at you. It felt like you had a fan club! I know that you are the prettiest baby in the world, yet it still surprises me when an entire room full of strangers agrees!

You went to a new pediatrician for your 2-month check up. She was very nice and was very impressed with your upper body strength. She also said that you are above-average intelligent. Everyone keeps asking me how she would even know that. I really don't know, but I agree with her and think she is a very good doctor!

Daddy figured out that if you are in your travel system and feel like you are part of the action then you are very content. He wheels you from room to room as he tidies the house. One day I came home to find tire tracks all over the house. He had been running laps with you from one room to the next. You loved it! I imagine one day you will enjoy daddy time as much as Oakley does. Then mommy will have a small heart attack when she finds out that the three of you were in the backyard putting fire crackers in vegetables... again! Or that you will be spinning circles in mommy's car, or that Daddy let you steer at the age of nine.

People keep asking when I am going to put you in your crib in your own room. You haven't even made it to your bassinet in my room yet. Every time this question is posed my lungs stop working. I can't imagine not having you next to me and the nursery seems like it's miles away. I know that you will be ready far before I am. This will also happen about the time that the seasons change and it's too hot for daddy to sleep in the garage!

When I'm laying with you and holding your little hand sometimes I think about the day when you're a teenager and you will hate me. You're a Scorpio and I'm a Leo and I know that we will have some storms ahead of us. I hope that we can both remember how much we need eachother and that bond that we formed holding eachother for five days in a lonely hospital room. When my mind drifts further I have to stop myself. I get teary-eyed thinking about your college graduation, your wedding, having babies of your own. My heart already swells with pride at the woman I know you will become.

My heart swells so much sometimes I think it could just explode. You have filled every void, patched every heartache and paved the road to a lifetime of smiles.

Love, Mama

Belly/Baby Laughs and Strippers

When I first found out that I was pregnant I ran out and bought "What to Expect When You're Expecting" as an impulse buy I also grabbed "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy. I have to say that Belly Laughs was far more helpful than What to Expect was. Perhaps it's because I am a very candid person but I was so glad that I had someone telling me exactly what to expect. Even the oh-not-so-pretty parts! I had no idea that your China swells. Her comparison to a swollen China and a blue twinkie really got me through! I have decided that when I find out that friends are expecting I will get them Belly Laughs and The Belly Book. These were the most useful resources for me.

When Barnes and Nobles had their huge after-holiday sale I bought Baby Laughs for $3.99. It was very cute. Perhaps not as informative as Belly Laughs but the story of her telling the Nazi Lactation Consultant that she shit herself just to get rid of her was worth every penny! I just about died!

Her writing isn't the best - but the books definitely serve their purpose. Each story seems to end with a sort of "essay ending". That was a little irritating, but not irritating enough to make me stop reading... or to stop me from buying her other books.

I also finished the book Candy Girl by Diablo Cody (who is also the screenwriter for the movie Juno). This book was a great, quick read... but not something that you would want to discuss with your grandmother. It is raunchy to say the least... and in the most page-turning kind of way!

I would crawl into bed each night and hook on my book light that I received in my stocking and disappear into world of strip clubs. Complete with wigs, mustaches, sex toys, a cum licker and bed dances (eeewwww!) While on binky duty (that's code for holding Evie's binky in with one finger so that she doesn't spit it out and then wake up and start screaming... this only lasts a few minutes but has become a staple in the bedtime routine) I would dive into this poorly lit lifestyle and feel a little more rebelious and less matronly.

Pink bows + Pink slips = no bueno

There's one thing that I hate more than pumping and that's job hunting. Two days after Christmas I found out that I need to be doing both. I instant messaged a co-worker to find out if I should come in on my day off and run credit cards because I was worried that no one there knew how. She filled me in that all of the employees but two and the family were being laid off. We have until the end of the month to find another job but they would prefer that we find something quicker because they are having trouble making pay roll.

I worried for five days over the New Year vacation about the impending discussuion that I would be having with my boss. I practiced being surprised and disappointed because the coworker probably shouldn't have told me. I am so thankful that she did or else I would have spent much more of my paycheck from that day. I felt so sick and went over the conversation over and over in my head. It wasn't as bad as I had feared come Wednesday morning. It was still shitty.

Please add this to my "whore myself for diapers" post from a few months ago. Getting laid off right after Christmas with a two month old at home. On top of that I am the one that carries insurance for me, Brian and Evelynn. Brian's job doesn't even offer insurance. Kick in the nuts? Sure is.

Without going too much into detail and breaking the cardinal "no talkie about workie" blog rule I will say that this has been a long time coming and is some what of a relief. It has been difficult to work for a struggling company and to be first on phones to customers that have been waiting so long for product - and will more than likely continue to wait.

The one thing that stings is the nepotism. It's hard to lose your job while a family member keeps theirs, is over paid (making what two other hard-working employees make combined), works from home and is underqualified. On the other hand, this gives me the opportunity to find a job where I won't ever have to worry about that again.

The day that I found out I held Evelynn and cried. I felt that I had let her down somehow. I was sobbing and looked down to see that she was staring up at me with a huge grin. It's as if she was saying "cheer up mommy - we'll figure it out, we always do!" I cried and laughed and held her.

So I've sent out numerous resumes - many to places I'm sure that I won't want to work anyways. Now I get to go to interviews and nervously sell myself only to be told that the job is $7.50 an hour and they don't think I'm qualified. I get to juggle offers and wonder if I should hold out for something better. But for now - I get to wait for someone to even call and wonder why they aren't. It's like dating but worrying about your mortgage rather than your feelings.

I have had one bite. A job as a gun salesperson. Yep guns. I would go through 3 weeks of gun training and then would call gun dealers all over the country to try to sell to them. Um, not really my bag.

In the meantime I have a job through the end of the month. I get to come to a place that I have been laid off from every day at 8:30. Thank goodness that I can laugh and say "what are they gonna do, fire me?"

The Birth House

Have you ever read a book and had it represented by a color? Every time I opened the book and dove into Scots Bay I was enveloped by a salmon-orange color. That is the over all feeling of the book for me.

As a girl that has just given birth to her first child it was so fascinating to read about what women went through circa 1917. I have watched many (many, many) episodes of a Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby, Birth Day, etc. and I am guilty at rolling my eyes at the couples that opt for a home water birth and such. I believe that we are so fortunate to have modern medical technology and we should take advantage of it. More power to the women that choose to have natural births, but please don't feel like you need to tell me about it. Give yourself a gold star and move on with your life. But I digress ::clears throat::

I cannot imagine my options being a home birth or a birth that included being put completely under with horrible drugs and then not remembering a thing. To think that my husband could have more say over whether or not I have another baby is proposterous. These women are not allowed birth control and many of them nurse for as long as they can - just to keep from getting pregnant again (which we know now doesn't always work). My heart broke for them.

The book was like a pop up book for me. Every time I opened it I was able to look down on a small Canadian village through the eyes of a young midwife. It was fascinating to read that Preeclampsia was referred to as "the stranger's face" because women were so swollen that they were hardly recognizable. To read about premature babies not standing a chance makes me realize how fortunate we are. Women can choose to have their baby at home, at a birthing center, hospital, naturally, epidural, scheduled c-section and... if God forbid something should go wrong there's a good chance that modern medicine can save those little souls. All eye-rolling aside, we are truly lucky to live in a society with options... and this book is a great reminder of that.