Being a new mom feels like you're Bambi just learning to walk on ice + a ton of adrenaline, horomones, a C-section incision and feelings you just never knew existed. I can say that those that type out a "birth plan" had better be pretty leniant and understanding because not one thing went as I had expected. You may have a plan but the universe and the baby have a far different one!
I had wanted to stay at home and labor for as long as possible and then go to the hospital when I was having contractions about 3-5 minutes apart lasting at least 1 minute. Brian tested out the timer on his cell phone. I would bake cookies for the nurses, take a shower and put my hair in two french braids so that it wouldn't get in the way during the labor process.
Fast forward to my weekly app't on Wednesday the 24th. I had gained 6 lbs and my blood pressure seemed a bit high. The doctor had trouble finding the baby's heartbeat so she had a quick ultrasound done. This showed that my amniotic fluid was low. They want it over a 12 and mine was at an 8. The doctors worry when it's at a 5. They had me come back a couple of hours later to do a non stress test. I was irritated because this meant that I would miss more work but went to my in-laws house so that I wouldn't have to drive back into town. They hooked me up to a fetal monitor and had me push a button when she kicked. Her movement and heartbeat were down (128) so they had me come in the next morning for an ultrasound.
Thursday morning I went in and my amniotic level was at a 13. The baby probably just needed to pee. Her activity was way up and her heartbeat was at a 158. I went to work.
Friday I was increasingly irritated that I had to drive all the way to Prescott just to get my blood pressure retaken. Couldn't I go to a grocery store or the fire dept or something? I didn't want to miss more work. I had convinced myself that any work I missed cut into my paid time with Evelynn and it broke my heart. I dropped off Oakley with my mother in law and had some coffee and pumpkin bread and then went to the doctor's. I gained 4 more lbs from Wednesday and my blood pressure was up. I also had traces of protein in my urine. They had me wait in the waiting room. I was wondering if they would induce me. I pictured that they would call and set up an appointment within the next few days and I would have so much time to prepare! The nurse practitioner came in and told me that I needed to go directly across the street to get a Toxemia test and get monitored and induced. She said "Happy Birthday" and sent me on my way. My eyes must have been saucers. I was in complete shock.
I drove by Meagan's house, she wasn't there. I called information for the brewery and told Brian to go home and get the hospital bag and meet me at the hospital. He was probably more shocked than I was. I called my sister - no answer, called her at work - no answer. I did this at least 5 times. It took forever to find a parking spot and then Clara called back. I filled her in quickly and she said that she would try to get out of town that day. I called my mother in law and she couldn't believe it either. I could hear Oakley in the background saying "what?!?" As I was walking in to the hospital I realized that I hadn't called work! I called and told them that I wouldn't be in because I'm having a baby today! (the today part was very naive of me).
I walked in and glanced at the clock, 9:50 am on Friday the 26th. A full moon. I rode up the elevator with a very anxious man with a ton of batteries, a video camera and a camera. His wife was in labor. I walked to the front desk and the woman was expecting me. She took me to a large room with a hospital bed, bathroom and rocking chair. She gave me a hospital gown and a cup to pee in (story of a pregnant girl's life... peeing in a cup). A nurse came in and said that they were going to draw my blood to check for toxemia and I told her that I was also here to be induced. Her face dropped and she said "we don't have enough staff!". I guess that they were understaffed on top of the fact that there were a ton of women already in active labor. I asked her if she wanted to call my doctor's office to verify and she said no but said that I would be a lower priority than the women in labor (duh...) She put me in the bed and strapped me to the monitors and then asked health info, etc. She asked if I had been nauseaus and I told her that I had been throwing up at least twice a day for about a week and a half. She asked if I had a headache and I told her that for three days I had one so bad that my teeth hurt. (these are both tell-tale signs of preeclampsia also) She took my blood pressure and told me to lay on my left side to try and bring it down. I ended up having to lay on my left side, nine months pregnant for 19 hours. My hips were killing me. Brian showed up like two hours later. I can only imagine that he must have been so shocked that he didn't quite know what to do with himself. I started to get phone calls from people and realized that he had called every person on his cell phone! He finally showed up and was very stir crazy. He's not the most patient of people and I don't think that there is any man on earth that is comfortable visiting his wife in the hospital. The nurses came and went checking my blood pressure. My doctor went out of town (ironically right after I checked in to the hospital - but we'll get to that in a second) so I was going to be seen by her fill in Dr Linn. I hadn't eaten all day and finally they got the ok from the doctor for me to eat something light at 4 pm. I ordered a salad, ginger ale and a ham and cheese crossaint. I kept asking when I was going to be induced. They said that they couldn't start giving me (I think it was cytotec but I'm not sure) until I had my own nurse. This didn't happen until 8:00 that night. So the first 10 hours were all for naught. I was very disheartened but anxious to get the show on the road.
My nurse came in and started my IV. So many women say that this is the worst part - and it sucked, it sucked bad. But I was so grateful to have some sort of progress that I handled it better than I would have in any other situation. Then she told me that she would need to start me on Magnesium and that it would make me not feel very well. This is the understatement of the century. That stuff is pure evil. It made me feel worse than I have felt in a long time. She inserted the first round of the vaginal pill. Ironically, the pill causes contractions while the magnesium is a muscle relaxer...
Brian had gone home to get some shut eye and I told him that I would call when there was progress. At midnight the nurse came back and gave me another dose. The doctor was at the hospital for another delivery and did an internal. It hurt so bad. I He tried to dialate me a little further and it absolutely killed. No change. Brian came back around 3:00 am. I was supposed to get another dose at 4:00 am but there wasn't a nurse available to give it to me. At this point I hadn't slept and was so discouraged I just cried and cried. I didn't get the other dose until 5:30 so this put us another hour and a half behind. I got another pill at 9:30 that morning. This whole time I was on the magnesium and only allowed a clear liquid diet. I was pretty miserable. That night the nurse had brought in a portable potty for me to use next to the bed since I was hooked up to so many wires. Around midnight or so she talked me into a catheter and I am so glad that she did. They were giving me diuretics to try to get rid of some of my water weight and I would have been miserable getting in and out of bed that many times. I was set to get put on Pitocin at 1:30 and I was so anxious to get things going. At this point I was 75% effaced and 2 cm dialated. At 1:45 I shifted and my water broke. I was ecstatic! This happened without the Pitocin! I felt like I had done something on my own and had progressed - - without the dumb nurses. I called Brian and he came back. They started the Pitocin and the contractions started. They were getting to be about 4 minutes apart and fairly difficult. The doctor told me to let them know when they were very painful and they would start the epidural sooner rather than later because they didn't want my blood pressure to go up higher during delivery. At about 5:30 the nurses switched shifts. I was holding on to the rails during contractions and still on my left side. Things got strangely quiet and I didn't really know what was going on. The new nurse gave me oxygen and told me to breathe that. I guess that my blood pressure had suddenly gone through the roof and my lips had started to turn blue. I don't remember exactly what was said but the nurse quietly told me that they had called the doctor and he was on his way down to talk to me about what they were going to do next. I remember asking her if they were going to do a C-section and she said that more than likely yes. I couldn't believe it. I called and my sister had just got into town and I told her to come right away. My mother in law, Heather and sister were in the room when the doctor came in and told me that because my blood pressure was so high and I wasn't progressing that they thought it was best to do a C-section. I got very upset because I was already in labor (somewhat) and I thought that I would have to labor for a long time before they got everyone together for the surgery. I asked how long it would be. He said a half hour. I couldn't believe it.
The nurse handed Brian a stack of scrubs and told him to change for the procedure. He was white as a sheet. When he came out of the bathroom his face was tear stained.
They started to wheel my bed out the door in no time. I had to laugh when they rammed the bed into the door frame over and over a few times. Figures.
I've never had a surgery, never broken a bone and have never had a cavity filled. I always thought that in this situation I would lose it. I was strangely calm... almost to the point that I scared myself a little. The operating room seemed like the inside of a space ship to me. The lights were glaring down on me and it was so chilly and sterile in there. They lifted me from my bed and on to a small table and tied my feet down. Then they covered me with warmed blankets. It felt wonderful not only to be on my back and not my side but to be comforted by the blankets. They had me sit up to get my spinal. I thought back to online friend's stories of what an epidural felt like and took heart in those descriptions. A nurse wearing an operating mask so I could only see her eyes put her arm around me and I layed on her shoulder. I realized after a bit that I was grasping onto her back-arm fat! haha. She kept me so calm. The numbing shots felt like little bee stings and I didn't really feel the spinal. They told me to lay and that I should start to feel strange. My lower body was supposed to go completely numb. This never happened. I could move my toes and feel my legs. They put up the sheet and I told them that I could still feel. They poked me on the belly and asked me if I felt sharp or pressure. A couple of times it was just pressure but other times it felt like the tip of a knife. I started to panic. The pressure felt scary enough. The sharp was petrifying! My face was so itchy this whole time.The doctors were telling stories about a new piano and some were telling dirty jokes. I kept thinking what if I could feel them cut me? At that time I saw the anesthesiologist over me and he said that he was going to put me to sleep for a little bit. I thought that he meant until the spinal kicked in. He put a mask over my face. The next thing I knew I woke up to pressure in my abdomen and thought that the surgery had started. Then I could hear and feel them stapling. I asked if they had started and the doctor said they were done. Evelynn was born at 6:34. I went in for surgery at about 6.
I couldn't believe it! I felt complete desperation to see my baby. I asked them how she was, if she was ok, how big she was, if she had a lot of hair. I was slurring the questions and getting little response. I was so sad. Then they wheeled me to another room with two people. I guess this was recovery. I don't remember much other than them putting me on my side to get the spinal out. They said something about my tattoo and I was trying (unsuccessfully) to tell them the story behind it. They wheeled me out of there and down a hallway. It was like a dream. I saw a couple of the nurses that I had during their shifts the day before and waved. I saw my sister, mother in law, Meagan, Brian and Heather and waved. Then they wheeled me into the hospital room. I asked everyone what she look
ed like and they said she was perfect. I asked Clara if she had taken pictures and she was reluctant to show me because that would be my first glimpse of my daughter. I just said that it was better than nothing. It was like seeing someone I had loved all my life, maybe even longer. The nurses wheeled her in and Brian put her in my arms. I've never felt more wonderful in my life. Nothing else mattered.
The cure for preeclampsia is delivery but 2% of the time that doesn't happen. I fell in to that 2%. For the next 5 days Evelynn and I were in the hospital. Those were some of the scariest and loneliest moments of my life. I was hooked up to so many things that I just held her. I didn't sleep much and coudn't eat for a few days. The nurses came and went to take my blood pressure and each time it was high I would just cry because I knew that it could mean yet another day in the hospital. The doctor had me get up to walk one day and I thought that if I did a great job I might get sent home. The first time I tried I sat up and nearly passed out. I broke out into a sweat and wanted to rip my clothes off. The second time I did better and the nurse helped walk me out of the room. I practically ran because I wanted to do such a good job so that I could go home. I was desperate. I cried to so many strangers it's not even funny. On top of being exhausted, drugged, post partum and post surgery I was holed up in a hospital room. Finally on Halloween I was discharged.
I've said a million times that you really don't know how you will handle a situation until you are in it. This couldn't be more true of my delivery story. My biggest fear was a C-section. Apparently I woke up during the surgery and was fighting the nurse and two nurses had to hold down my arms. That surprises me about myself. I found that I was stronger and more stubborn than I ever knew. I also found out that in moments of loneliness I am a bigger baby than I knew.
I still have to monitor my blood pressure at home and take blood pressure medication. Also, it took a while for my ankles and calves to stop swelling. I had forgotten how tiny my feet and ankles actually were.
Once home I started to feel more and more human every minute. I had so much wonderful help. Evelynn was worth every second of everything that I went through. She is a wonderful baby and the love of my life. I can't get through a grocery store or mall without being stopped over and over to be told how beautiful she is. She is my greatest accomplishment and the one time that Brian and I did something together that turned out perfect!
I cherish our time together. You and I in a king size bed - up every three hours watching infomercials, music videos and nursing. You are such a great sleeper at night. You nurse like clockwork and then I put you on a quilt that is on top of one of those absorbant pads (so as not to ruin our new bedspread) on your side and you go right back to sleep. The 5-6:00 feeding you decide that you need to be held until I have to get up in the morning so I grab you and put the comforter over both of us and we go back to sleepwith you in my arms. This is the reason I have been late to work nearly every day. You are the most cuddly thing on earth. Sorry about the time that I woke up and had drooled all over your head.
fill your pants at that moment and you are crazy enough to enjoy mommy's singing. (sorry about the time that you were crying and the only thing I could think of was to hum "Chariots of Fire"... not sure where that came from. )
