Run Forrest Run!

I ran last night!

I was convinced that I would be able to go the equivilant of maybe 3 sidewalk squares TOPS... but I went pretty far down the street without having to stop!

This was a very incognito process mind you. I walked my dog (i.e. my dog pulled me down the street with his huskey-dog-sled instincts) and I went into the part of our housing development that is still being built. This ensured no people or cars would see my attempt. I then let Buddy off of his chain (because he would pull me straight on to my face if he thought it was time to run together) and I ran down the street! I didn't die, didn't keel over or get a side-ache right away... and I was still able to walk home! I went to our little grassy knoll in the housing division and Buddy and I ran back and forth a few times in my attempt at "sprints". This is really just chunky me running back and forth while trying to make sure that my dog doesn't run into the street.

I'm so excited and impressed with myself for being to go as far as I did. AND... for a few seconds... I actually enjoyed myself. Here in AZ it is already Spring weather and the days are longer so it's very refreshing to enjoy some of the sunshine and fresh air. I've actually been excited to do it again tonight before my Pilates class. Go me!

An exeption to the SB clause...

I received a phone call from my dear friend Heather and she asked me
1) if she was the gym buddy that I referred to in a previous post and
2) if I considered her one of the SB's.

First of all, I don't think that we've ever been to a gym. In our day that consisted of seeing how many long island iced teas we could lift in one evening or how many boys she could juggle! Second... No, I do not consider her an SB and here's why:

I've known Heather (light as a heather as I jokingly call her) for about 6 years now. I have seen first hand that the fact that she is a size 0 does not make her life any easier. We both leave the mall with slumped over shoulders because nothing fit us or looks good on us. We both look in the mirror and wince at this or that. And, while I probably have people that pity the chunky girl, she has people that straight out ridicule her! Skinny girls can be self-conscience too. Life isn't all bikinis and McDonald's for them either. While other girls sit around and complain about this or that and she joins in she is quickly put in her place like there must be nothing on earth that could ever affect her. While we were shopping for my wedding dress the sales associate told her that she just needs to eat more while she was holding up the size 2 bridesmaid dress that didn't fit her. I quickly jumped in with "she eats plenty, thank you very much". That is just as bad as looking at me in my size 16 and saying, perhaps you should lay off the doughnuts!

It's so easy to say "oh, poor little rich girl... or poor celebrity dealing with the paparazzi..." I'm guilty of it. But I would like to think that I am fairly open to the fact that there is more to things. Hell, I don't even know where I stand on many issues because I sit back and think about both sides... perhaps to a fault!

I wager that there is probably not one person (male or female) that feels completely comfortable in their own skin. People that have paid to fix things that they didn't like are just met with more options for future operations. I went to a water park this summer and was so surprised to see how many men and boys had their t-shirts on! I thought that men didn't care! My husband lost 60 pounds after graduating from culinary school. It's nice that I don't have one of those husbands with the hollow leg that can eat whatever they want but worry that you will let yourself go! He struggles with me while we both admit that we enjoy eating very, very much. We've both spent our share of time in front of the mirror, sucking in.

Does this mean that we can't joke with anyone in fear that they may have a complex? No, not necessarily... but keep in mind that (like I've said before) we all have our vices. We all have a story, a complaint, a miracle and a lesson to offer. Be open to others. On the flipside (see what I mean about not knowing where I stand) don't be too open. There is a such thing as letting too many people in or giving too much of yourself (yep... guilty). Understanding is one thing, putting yourself out there as a welcome mat is another!

Oh, and Heather... my avid reader, best friend and support you are officially exempt from the SB clause! Let's go to the mall and grab some doughnuts!

I realize that this post is all over the place. Perhaps it is a sign that I should post more often to keep an onslaught of rambling at bay!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm just a smiling fool today! Brian and I aren't doing anything special (we hung out on Sunday and had a pre-celebration) but we have Oakley tonight. I am going to dinner with the in-laws and he has band practice. . . however I am wondering if anyone will show once their wives find out!

I love looking around and seeing hearts and flowers and hearing people's stories. I know that I should be open to different ways of thinking - but all of those "I don't celebrate Valentine's Day because it's a holiday invented by the greeting card company" people irritate the living crap out of me. Just fold a piece of damn paper and make a heart and give it to someone. It will feel good, I promise! Hug those special people in your life extra tight and say things mushier than you normally would.

Even the single people should be able to take a deep breath and absorb the romance. It's everywhere! It's possible and out there!

Oh, and me and the scale are not on speaking terms. I weighed myself even though I said that I wouldn't and it says that I'm back to where I started. It doesn't get a valentine. I am thinking about maybe doing a monthly weigh-in. This one up and two down crap is enough to just drive a girl crazy! (crazier than I already am that is...)

Will you be mine?

I love me some Valentine's Day!

First, I love hearts. Anything with hearts screams my name. I have a heart tattoo and my kitchen is quickly becoming heart-themed. There is a gallery downtown with tons of hearts and the lady knows my husband by name because he goes there for holidays... and when he's in trouble.

Second, I'm a total and complete sap. I love romance. I love love! I love romantic movies, commercials, (the novels are a little too over the top even for me) but the classic romance novels. ::loud sigh::

Third, I love those damn sugar cookies with the pink frosting. I've eaten 5 in two days. I don't plan to stop. I know that I should... but I may just have to ask them to be my Valentine. I will make a mail box from a shoe box and put tin foil and doilies on it and then I will pass one to the package of deliciousness and hope like Charlie Brown that I get a response. If not, I will have the inch of frosting remnants on my ass to show for it. And then, back on the wagon!

So, on Tuesday I will give my fat rolls a hug and wish them a happy Valentine's Day and put off the weigh in for this week. I've promised my husband a fun evening once we put Oakley to bed... so maybe I'll work off a little bit of those calories! ; )

Wait... water weight?

I gained a pound... but I am hoping that this is because of my period. I will say this:

When I lay down I can feel my hip bones protruding again

You know how your hips go out and then your legs go in and then your fat thighs go out again? That curve is becoming straighter.

So, I will take it for what it is and try not to over-analyze.

::mumbling stupid scale and period, geez!::

Pity Smiles

Another blog that I read got me thinking. She said that she was concerned about what other people would think about the chunky girl at the gym. I've had that concern a jillion times. I remember being in PE and trying to give a sweet grin to the chunky girl with the bright red face and the bra that wasn't doing it's job. I was skinny then, but this in no way made me happy. I was a size 5-7 and was convinced that I had an unusually large ass. My grandmother taught me to suck in my stomach and my mom once told me that I was built like a gymnast. A few years later I signed up for a kickboxing class (one of my many all or nothing weight loss solutions) and I remember seeing myself in the mirror and realizing I was now that chunky girl with the red face. And my bra was absolutely not doing what I had paid it to do. I couldn't keep up, I had no coordination and some skinny bitch gave me a sweet smile. I thought that she pitied me.

As women we are catty. We look other girls up and down. What they are wearing, saying, dating and so on. It's in our DNA to be jealous and wary of eachother. Confidence is the equivalent of acne and self-criticism is like a new pair of Guess Jeans in the 80's. As many times as I've caught myself staring at another woman it's more that I'm measuring myself up to them. And I think we all do this more than just talk shit. Oh... I'd love to have those boobs, or that hair or that skin. I'd love to be able to pull off that outfit or those acrylic nails (I think I pick my nose too much for those). The one thing that unites us? The one thing that could bring us all together and hold hands and sing "I'd like to teach the world to live in perfect harmony" while swinging our arms? Our struggle to be beautiful and thin. It may be a trivial fight, one that has been created by the media and men that have too high of expectations... but at the end of the day, we all just want to feel good naked and be able to run up a flight of stairs without getting winded.

I honestly see women now and say "good for you" In my pilates class there is a woman there with a daughter my age and she is larger than me. Lord if she doesn't whoop my ass in some of those moves. And I tell her afterwards! That was awesome that you were able to hold that pose! AND some of the poses I can do and she can't do... and some of the SB's can't do (skinny bitches). And I've realized something. Because they're skinny does not mean that they are more healthy than me. I used to have a gym buddy that was a size two. She smoked like a chimney and could barely keep up with me. She was constantly sick. We all have our crutches, some just wear theirs on their belly rolls!

SO, to all you chunky girls and skinny bitches alike... when you step into the gym or go jalking down the street and I give you that 'sweet smile'. That isn't pity, that's GOOD FOR YOU! And... sometimes, what in the hell are you wearing?