Post-Holiday Hello

I had a completely laid-back Christmas and it was fantastic after all of the wedding chaos. It was me, Brian and his grandmother. We had Christmas with Oakley on Saturday and then he went to his mom's for the holiday.

Brian did so well on my gifts. I have given him very specific lists for the past two years of what I want. I have never received anything from them. I can't complain though, he really does a good job and this way I'm always surprised.

Today is my two-month wedding anniversary and I just couldn't be happier. I have been told that perhaps I'm still in my honeymoon phase, but plan to enjoy it no matter what the hell it is!

It has snowed quite a bit here, but it's my favorite kind of snow - - the kind that melts before I have to drive in it. It is funny, however to watch all of our Southern California transplants try to drive in just light flurries. You'd think that they were in two feet of snow with zero visibility. I can remember flying down the freeways in SLC in a foot of snow.

I doubt that I'm alone but I am having some serious post-Christmas spenders remorse. I did go a little nuts as much as I said that I wouldn't. The excitement of being an Aunt and sending out packages full of presents just overwhelmed me. However, when Christmas finally came and it seemed just like any other day - but with a ton more phone calls to make! I am going to write myself a note and put it with my decorations next year. I don't want to be kicking myself again three days later and grimacing when yet another Christmas song comes on the radio (and I LOVE Christmas songs!) My dad and sister both had all of their decorations down and the tree on the curb by noon Christmas, at least I'm not that bad.

Things will probably be different next year when we have Oakley and the whole family isn't gone. I want to make sure that it's much more about warm fuzzies than mounds of gifts. One really doesn't equal the other.

Wedded Bliss

Yes, I do realize that it has been a little while... but as one very great procrastinator once said, better late than never!

The wedding was lovely and I was able to keep my sanity throughout the planning and the actual day. I was so happy to see so many loved ones travel from so far to be a part of it! It was really a wonderful feeling.

I was worried about post-bridal depression and I do have to admit to bouts of it. On our way to San Diego I saw a couple of bridal shops and thought, oh...I should pop in and look around... and then realized that I had no reason to. The day that I had dreamt about forever and ever is over... and never to be again. It's a hard realization to swallow. When I came home and saw my pretty veil hanging there I got really sad, I have no reason to ever dress up that much again! I told Brian, now I'm not a bride... I'm just a stupid wife. Bless his heart that he doesn't take offense to such things. Perhaps he has finally come to terms with my lack of sanity, or kooth (sp?).

So, in the face of depression I quickly threw away my stack of Brides magazine and reorganized our guest room which had become wedding central. I then threw the manic bride syndrome into holiday planning. Before Thanksgiving I had all of my shopping done, decorations up and nearly all presents wrapped and under the tree. The only reasons that all of them aren't is because I am waiting for the rest of the online orders to come in. I also ordered, addressed and stamped all of my Christmas cards and have had to convince myself to at least wait until December to send them out.

'Tis the season!

Many Moons

I realize it's been like seven Sundays since I've posted - so I will do some catching up for you.

Brian and I finally decided on a location for the honeymoon and we will be driving to Napa. I am very excited. We found a gorgeous resort there and booked the "Napa Experience" package. I am hoping that this means mucho vino and a tipsy Nisha. I don't drink hardly at all anymore, but what better excuse to get tore up than a weekend in Napa? I've seen Sideways, I know. (actually that was quite a disturbing movie...)

The clubhouse for our housing division is finally finished, and thank GOD we decided not to have the wedding there. Don't get me wrong, it's very nice ... but the wedding would have never fit there, on top of the fact that we would have had to rent everything for it. However, I am enjoying the pool and gym. Yes, I have donned a swimsuit this year. I figure, I don't want to be the mom that is at the side of the pool fully dressed because she's afraid that someone will see her chunky thighs... I want to enjoy myself. And, ahem...I'm a hottie compared to some of the women! lol.

The wedding planning is coming along very smoothly. I rented the first season of Bridezillas and realized how lucky I am - and how lucky everyone around me is! haha. Most of the stuff is already taken care of and I really don't want to sweat the small details. When else will there be a huge party with nearly everyone I know for me and my husband? I'd better enjoy the hell out of it, come what may.

I'm now afraid that I may become depressed once the wedding and honeymoon is over. Brian keeps saying that he can't wait for it to be over so that we can get back to regular life, but I LOVE being in planning mode! I won't know what to do with myself afterwards. What will I talk about? What will I do with my pile of subscription to Bride's magazine? Brian really needs to prepare himself to come home to me hanging out in my wedding dress and veil. It's bound to happen. But seriously, I LOVE the Christmas season. I'm so happy while I'm shopping & decorating and wrapping. But, once all of the presents are open, I want to cry. It's OVER! Lord knows what will happen once the last thank you card is mailed and it's all done. I will probably need a copy of the Notebook, elastic waisted pants, a bag of Dove dark chocolate, a box of Kleenex and leftover Napa wine...STAT!

Oakley and I went to see 'Over the Hedge' a couple of weekends ago. Cute movie..blah, blah, blah. The point of my story is that I saw a lady in the concession stand line with hair that I wanted so BAD! It was huge! She had the greatest spiral perm and bangs, I was literally jealous. I wish I could pull off that look still, I wish I were clueless and didn't care that I was stuck in the early nineties. I want to rat my hair so bad, this boufant (sp?) isn't cutting it anymore. Give me some banana clips and barrettes! I want my hair to be permed with wings, I want to use White Rain and scrunch!

My little brother signed up for the Navy. At first, I was so upset...I was ready to write letters to personally stop the war. I was in immediate psycho sister mode. There HAS to be a way to undo the oath he just took, he doesn't know what he's saying! He was just kidding! But, then I stepped back and stepped out of my hippie hemp sandals and looked at things from his point of view. He wants to see the world, get out of Elko, go to school...and I want that for him too. The Navy is probably one of the safest branches that he could have signed up for. But, if he gets deployed...I may need to chaperone...just to make sure he's ok and well cared for.

There are officially 100 days til the wedding (yes, I've quickly slipped back into Bride mode). It is coming up so quick!

Mr Postman

So, my invitations are in the mail. It was the most surreal feeling mailing them out, not good or bad...just strange. I stared at the stack for a couple of days in disbelief. The wedding went from just an idea to something very real and tangible. I have most of my contracts signed and we have decided to hold it at the resort. I have a wedding website and my registry done. I've picked up my dress and two of my bridesmaids already have theirs.

Now that things have come together in the wedding planning category we have yet to figure out where we want to Honeymoon. You'd think it'd be easy to figure something like that out, however we have quite a few hurdles. Neither of us are very tropical people, I burn just thinking about the sun and I hate water and being wet. Not all of the time, but most...even in the bathtub I usually have all of my limbs sticking out. Brian is the same way. We are getting married in October and don't want to spend our honeymoon anywhere that resembles a tundra...this leaves out most of the country in late October. Also, Brian doesn't want to honeymoon in the Southwest and I don't want to spend the entire time getting to the actual Honeymoon. Does your head hurt yet? I feel your pain.

Wedding Planning & Spring Training

So, I have my dress, the photographer, DJ and minister is picked out. But where in the hell is my wedding going to take place? This is the question of the year and it is driving me nuts. Originally we had decided to keep everything cheap and do most everything ourselves. However, now I realize that this means renting chairs, tables and setting everything up on my wedding day and breaking it all down on my wedding night. In which case our attention has been directed towards the Prescott Resort. Even though it would break our entire budget they could set up our whole ceremony and reception for us. Centerpieces and everything. We would only have to find out "chicken or fish" from the guests and out of towners could stay at the resort. Even though the price tag is high, it makes a ton of sense. We'll see though, Brian and I have an appointment with them on Wednesday.

The action-filled season of T-ball has started again this year. This means sitting on metal bleachers and cheering for random children whose helmets nearly cover their eyes. This means that most kids will be sitting on their bases or chasing a butterfly in left field. Many will run in to eachother chasing the same balls and none of the throws will make it remotely far enough to land in to a mitt. This means keeping track of hats, mitts, shoes, shirts, etc between two houses as well as remembering that Monday is swimming lesson day. This means overpriced picture packages which include buttons (who wears these) and team pictures of squinty eyed little boys. But it's SPRING! And what better place to be than on a metal bleacher screaming "you can do it, keep your eye on the ball!"

Checking In

I thought that perhaps I would put a "normal" post on here as I know I have seemed like a crazy lady lately. If it comes through in your blog, then you know there's a problem!

I know that I have mentioned that work has been slow lately, but it has gotten to the point where I am actually trying to work slower to ensure that my afternoons aren't so full of dead time.

This weekend we had a bunch of people over to hear Brian's band. It went much better than I thought it would. A ton of people came up to him and said things like ' don't take this the wrong way, but this was WAY better than what we expected '. He was really proud. I got to show off my cute house and this makes me very happy. It also gave me a reason to clean for most of Saturday. Sunday we took Grandma out for lunch and were just lazy for the remainder of the day.

I watched Memoirs of a Geisha and I am so thankful that I read the book first. I ended up turning it off. They left out crucial parts of the book that are needed to fully understand the character. One of the main things that sets her apart is the way that she looks at the world. The character in the movie is not near as fascinating as the one in the book.

Per a close friends recommendation (Hi Quel) I also watched Searching for the Wrong-Eyed Jesus. I really loved it. It has a lot of truth too, I know that when I was in Georgia I was more aware of God, you can feel it down there. Must be all the God-fearing kin folk or something. I also recommend this movie. We should all search for the gold tooth in God's crooked smile.

Wedding planning is going well. It will be a lot better when our location is built and we can visualize what kind of ceremony/reception we are looking at. We have tried to figure it out through the framing and plans...but neither Brian or I are very construction literate. He wants to send out the invitations like, yesterday...but I would like to make sure that we are inviting people to the actual location of the wedding first. Everyone knows essentially when it is.

Have I mentioned that I am petrified of marriage? Scared to death. I am so excited about my actual ceremony, I think about it at night and fall asleep with a little smile on my face. I have my dress saved on my favorites on my computer and I look at it throughout the day and let out a dreamy sigh... but the actual thought of marriage. . . makes me want to run and hide. I am already living as if I were married, and when I pray I get really calm and know that I am where I am supposed to be. But I don't know 40-year old Nisha, what if she's really mad at me for the decisions I'm making right now? I'm easily overwhelmed, I suppose the vastness of forever and two entire futures (plus children) is enough to make anyone get a lump in their throat. It's a leap of faith, my odds are fifty fifty. I will have to work every day to make it work, the notion is just insane sometimes! lol.

MUCH better

So once again life is looking good to me. I hate rough patches, but I suppose that they are par for the course in the game of life. I realized that I have really wonderful friends, fiance and even my doctor, nurse and counselor. I am truly a blessed girl.

Work has slowed down considerably lately, I have been done putting in orders and everything by three or three thirty. I used to barely get out of here on time. It should speed up soon though because the schools start purchasing again during the summer for the upcoming year.

No more what ifs

I have spent the past five days bed-ridden with anxiety. I am sick of it running my life. I went to my counselor and she told me that I need to get back on my medication right away. I am going this morning at nine o'clock. I don't care if I need to take medication for the rest of my life, people with heart diseases don't think twice...why should I? I'm sick of not eating, I've lost six pounds.

I just took on too much, and I have been trying to be perfect to everyone and have tried to keep everyone happy. Anyone's stress I take on as my own and make myself sick. I am going to go back to counseling to learn how to not do that.

I urge anyone that is sick with anxiety or depression to not be afraid and to take any measures needed to help themselves. I know that it seems dark and hopeless and you are the only one that can fix it...however weak and hopeless you feel. You can get through it. Life is genuinely good, sometimes you can just get overwhelmed and need a little help. And think of how lucky we are in this generation to have the medical profession understand so much about it. I plan to take advantage of that and get better.

Much too efficient

I am BORED! I have finished everything that I had pending and the last five minutes are dragging. I feel like I can feel the second hand clicking, and I think it hesitates before it does so. So, I get to ramble and have it up for the world to see. This is what I am driven to. I keep trying to jump on myspace, but once I do I realize that I don't have anything to do on there. I'm not quite sure how it keeps some people occupied for long periods of time. Ah well, maybe I'm just bitter because not much happens for me! ; )

Tonight is dinner with the in-laws and Grandma. There is some tension from recent comments and so on. Of course, we will all pretend like everything's just fine and smile through clenched teeth. They will leave and I will be able to fight with Brian in private! haha.

I just finished the book Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood. I recommend it to any girl that is much like myself and was usually the last one standing and could outdrink most of the guys. That seems to become your identity after a while, and it's hard to turn your back on that girl. Very hard.

Before that I read Running with Scissors (disturbingly good) and Memoirs of a Geisha (loved it, but was a little disappointed to realize that I wasn't actually reading a true story...the joys of being blonde I suppose).

I get to play Easter Bunny this weekend and I am very excited about that. Oakley asked for a harmonica...fingers crossed I can find one!

No Go

Apparently I was ripped off when I bought my Neon and they couldn't go through with the trade-in, so for now I get to keep my car...however I am being constantly reminded about what we can't do- without a truck. Meh. I'm over it. I can laugh about it a little bit as I picture Rick the Dealer, Brian and his dad standing around with hands on their hips talking about how women shouldn't be able to buy cars by themselves. Brian's father has been adamently trying to get me to cancel my warrantee, this may also keep him up at night. But if I run out of gas on the side of the road and want roadside assistance...by God I will pay the extra $2 a month to ensure that. And, I don't mind the idea of stressing him out a bit over my $2 a month rip-off.

Tonight is band practice in my garage. sigh. I am trying as hard as I can to stretch my day a bit so that I don't have to endure the entire "set list". I have heard Brians' songs a million times and even if I'm present for the entire 3-hour jam session he insists on bringing in the recording of it and pointing out highlights while he plays the CD over my television on the DVD player (ruining any chance of distracting myself watching the TV guide station).

I never did point out that I found my dream wedding dress! You know it's the right one when you feel skinny in it. Not just acceptable... like an actual toothpick. No wait! A HOT toothpick! haha.

My visit with Clara and Brandy was tons of fun and well overdue. Unfortunately they brought a huge snow storm with them so they couldn't enjoy the lovely weather we usually have. That's ok though. Game night was a huge success and Buddy has a huge crush on Brandy. He's been a little down since she left and walks around with the toy she bought him in his mouth. (or what's left of it.) He tried to chase me this morning as I was leaving for work. This resulted in at least three laps around my car in the middle of the cul de sac with Brian right behind him yelling every word in the book. By the time we got him back on the porch the cat had escaped. Brian held the dog down while I ran to my car to leave and he knew he was in trouble and accidentally peed on him! Brian said through clenched teeth "leave NOW". I just stood there for a moment with my hand over my mouth. He must love his Tuesdays off. Especially because I wake up pissed off every week. My mornings are very fragile! ; )

Keep on Truckin'

I drive a Neon. Worse, a Neon with a spoiler...which makes it sporty. When I went car shopping I didn't care if I went home in a two-tone 85 Le Sabre, the only criteria I had is that I didn't want a Neon. I bought a brand new one.

Brian has hated my car from day one, I realize that it's not the greatest thing but I think his strong feelings for it keep him up at night. There have been many weekends that we decide to run errands together and he requests I drive, I do this without thinking. Suddenly he suggests that we just "stop by" a dealership and check out other vehicles. I get so stressed out because I don't want to just trade my car in on a random Sunday afternoon. Finally, yesterday we test drove trucks and I agreed that we will trade in my car on a family truck. This way we can build our dog run and finish our landscaping. Brian will become popular to his buddies on moving day. He and his father are at the dealership right now trying to make a deal and they will call me when they need my signature. I prefer it this way because car deals make me very uncomfortable, mostly because the dealers are so stereotypical. The one that is currenlty helping us has a limp, false huge teeth and a gigantic gold sapphire ring on his pinky. His name is Rick and "he's been doing this for 13 years".

Brian turned 34 on Sunday and we went to Sushi. I use this term very loosely in Prescott. I'm not big on the lingo or any of the other culture that goes along with it. However, I'm pretty sure that the sushi cooks behind the counter aren't supposed to be a white boy and a Mexican with slightly slanted eyes. Also, our waiter was a veteran meth user and resembled Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. He also had tight jeans, a plaid shirt and a leather bill fold hanging out of his back pocket. I overheard conversation at the other table "Jim likes Ginger...don't you Jim. Did I ever tell you the story of when I fell off the ladder?" I doubt we will return anytime soon.

Florida was beautiful weather and it was nice to get away. I think that the best part was returning because Brian and I missed eachother so much. The first day was quite the honeymoon. That lasted less than a day! ; ) It was a lot of hard work and a long week away, however I missed a snow storm here and got to hang out at the beach one morning so I won't bitch too much. My skin loathed the humidity and I came back with a horrible complexion. I am such a desert girl.

Long time...

It's been forever since I've written (that sounds like it came directly out of my Jr High diary).

You know what I hate? When grown men pile in to the back of a pickup truck, freezing their asses off in their hoodies and then STARE at the person driving behind them. Very awkward. Especially when I am trying to eat my string cheese in the morning. Honestly, if you are heading to a construction site and have to pick up a few of your friends, or...as it sometimes is...your amigos. Perhaps you should take the low rider van and not the two door Toyota with the letters scraped off the back to spell "yo".

My sister and Brandy arrive tomorrow night and we are going wedding dress shopping on Friday. This petrifies me. I have never seen myself in a huge white gown. What if I look like an albino whale? What if I get struck down by lightning? haha. We are also doing the pictures for my wedding invitations this weekend, that makes me feel so...Mormon! The fact that they are not being taken in the Temple gardens or at the Great Salt Lake is somewhat of a relief I guess.

I am going to Florida for a tradeshow the week of the 19th. I have never been to Florida and can't help but picture Miami Vice, or an episode of CSI-stupid small town girl that I am.

I went to the dentist and realized that I have a huge fear of the bastards. I sat down in the chair and burst in to tears. I think it all goes back to when I got my bottom wisdom teeth out and came home with a ripped mouth and two black eyes. The dental office gave me a valium to take before my cleaning yesterday, but it didn't work at all. They should really make their tools less shiny, I think it's the sparkle on the hook of death that is about to scrap the shit out of my tooth that scares me the most. They could at least make it look more friendly. Speaking of friendly, they just built a children dentist's office and it looks like a fun house. Add the bright colors with the "bling" sound on the tools and that would send me screaming out of there...complete with flailing arms.

The palm

Can you tell that I totally got caught yesterday trying to update this? Yes, there is an abrupt ending. I will finish now that I am off of the clock for a few moments. ... Not that I had anything else really to say.

I had a palm tree in my living room that I bought from Walmart for the low, low price of $10. The aphids in the soil must have been free because before I knew it the leaves were covered and the tree was emitting a sticky sap used as its "defense" all over my carpet. I guess there's a spray that can be used to get rid of it, but Brian's dad forgot to bring it over... like five times. So this weekend I was so over it and the tree now resides in the garage/band practice studio.

Brian couldn't handle that there was an empty spot where the tree used to be. His OCD has a hard time with symmetry, or the lack thereof. He called me from the road this morning after leaving Home Depot with a new palm - $50! My lord. I thought he had been robbed until I went home from lunch and realized that are living room is now a jungle complete with small black panther (Wednesday) and dopey dog (perhaps doing his best monkey impression). This thing is enormous! Brian tried to smoothe things over by telling me that I can always trim it down. I do not want to be a palm groomer as I picture the men in California on the ladders ripping down leaves on the street side. One day I may need a ladder. This comment was quickly followed by "and don't kill it because it was damn expensive". Damn being the key word. So, if you come to my humble abode for the first time please understand that you will be greeted by a palm the size of the potted trees in a Miami hotel lobby. Yes, there is symmetry... however there is room for little else.

I took Oakley to see Narnia last week. As we walked out he said "you know who my favorite actor was? The lion!" Yes, Oakley... the lion was a great actor. People around us snickered. I really liked the movie though, they kept to the book so well and I don't think that they could have cast a better white witch.

Off to the gym. I have been going every other day... and hating every living second of it. I don't understand the people that say things like "I really enjoy working out" PLEASE! I have a scowl on my face the entire time and usually hold a grudge for at least an hour afterwards.

First snow!

It finally snowed here! I thought I was seeing things last night when I let Buddy out to go pee... and if you think I was surprised imagine what an 8 month old puppy who's never seen snow though. He was so freaked out when he came back in covered in snow. By this morning he had caught on and he was jumping around and playing in it. Why is it that when it snows it seems lighter and quieter at night?

Things have started to recover. Although we don't have full custody we are still very fortunate to have such a wonderful little boy in our life. I got this emailed to me and thought it was hilarious:

*FEMALE PRAYER*:Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man, who's not a creep,One who's handsome, smart and strongOne who loves to listen long,One who thinks before he speaks,One who'll call, not wait for weeks.I pray he's gainfully employed,when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.Pulls out my chair and opens my door,Massages my back and begs to do more.Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"I pray that this man will love me to no end,and always be my very best friend.Amen* ** ** ** **MALE PRAYER:*I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniacwith huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a boat.This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.Amen.