Pink bows + Pink slips = no bueno

There's one thing that I hate more than pumping and that's job hunting. Two days after Christmas I found out that I need to be doing both. I instant messaged a co-worker to find out if I should come in on my day off and run credit cards because I was worried that no one there knew how. She filled me in that all of the employees but two and the family were being laid off. We have until the end of the month to find another job but they would prefer that we find something quicker because they are having trouble making pay roll.

I worried for five days over the New Year vacation about the impending discussuion that I would be having with my boss. I practiced being surprised and disappointed because the coworker probably shouldn't have told me. I am so thankful that she did or else I would have spent much more of my paycheck from that day. I felt so sick and went over the conversation over and over in my head. It wasn't as bad as I had feared come Wednesday morning. It was still shitty.

Please add this to my "whore myself for diapers" post from a few months ago. Getting laid off right after Christmas with a two month old at home. On top of that I am the one that carries insurance for me, Brian and Evelynn. Brian's job doesn't even offer insurance. Kick in the nuts? Sure is.

Without going too much into detail and breaking the cardinal "no talkie about workie" blog rule I will say that this has been a long time coming and is some what of a relief. It has been difficult to work for a struggling company and to be first on phones to customers that have been waiting so long for product - and will more than likely continue to wait.

The one thing that stings is the nepotism. It's hard to lose your job while a family member keeps theirs, is over paid (making what two other hard-working employees make combined), works from home and is underqualified. On the other hand, this gives me the opportunity to find a job where I won't ever have to worry about that again.

The day that I found out I held Evelynn and cried. I felt that I had let her down somehow. I was sobbing and looked down to see that she was staring up at me with a huge grin. It's as if she was saying "cheer up mommy - we'll figure it out, we always do!" I cried and laughed and held her.

So I've sent out numerous resumes - many to places I'm sure that I won't want to work anyways. Now I get to go to interviews and nervously sell myself only to be told that the job is $7.50 an hour and they don't think I'm qualified. I get to juggle offers and wonder if I should hold out for something better. But for now - I get to wait for someone to even call and wonder why they aren't. It's like dating but worrying about your mortgage rather than your feelings.

I have had one bite. A job as a gun salesperson. Yep guns. I would go through 3 weeks of gun training and then would call gun dealers all over the country to try to sell to them. Um, not really my bag.

In the meantime I have a job through the end of the month. I get to come to a place that I have been laid off from every day at 8:30. Thank goodness that I can laugh and say "what are they gonna do, fire me?"