Will give blood for cake

I've probably mentioned before that my future daughter enjoys cake - and her mother enjoys this craving also. For breakfast, lunch a snack - I love me some cake.

When I was only a few months pregnant I had a dream that I was walking through the baby clothes section of a department store, touching everything and crying because I had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. This became one of my "weekly fears" (which have been everything from SIDS, pooping on the table, autism, downs and the baby loving her dad more than me). I cut down on the sugar a little bit but not all the way.

Fast forward to week 27 of my pregnancy and my 1-hour glucose test. The nurse practioner told me to cut out sugar for two days before it and eat a breakfast with protein beforehand. I thought I had it in the bag. I ate an egg-filled tortilla before the test and forced down the nasty orange concoction. 4 vials of blood and an hour later I was out the door and feeling very woozy. I honestly probably shouldn't have driven home.

On Tuesday my doctor's office called to say that they had test results back. I knew that meant something because they said that they would just go over the test results at my next app't (Monday the 20th) I called the next morning and she said that I am low on Iron and asked if I had been feeling tired. Hhhhhmmmm. Let me think - tired, pregnant - hell yes I'm feeling tired! Then I thought - HOT DAMN! I'm just low on Iron! Nope - not just low on Iron. They want your blood sugar below140 and mine was 152. SO I have to do the three hour test.

This has brought up so many of my irrational thoughts. I'm not good at being pregnant. Other women are better than me. If I weren't overweight, or had willpower to not eat cake then I would be fine. The doctor even told me that 90% of the time the 3-hour tests come out negative. But just that I have to be retested has sent me into a completely irrational spiral. I know that it has a lot to do with horomones and the emotions of pregnancy but I am so upset with myself. I went to bed at 8 last night and couldn't wake up this morning for the life of me. I had dreams that I couldn't remember which foods had protein in them.

Even if I do have gd then it's not the end of the world. I will just have to monitor my diet. I know this. I also know that 2-7% of women get it and that it goes away after pregnancy. I know that I'm lucky to have a healthy baby in me and a healthy pregnancy (as far as I can tell). Perhaps it's the thought of a retest. I wast the girl in Elementary school that NEVER had to retake her spelling test on Friday because I always aced it on Wednesday. Sometimes I did so well that I got to GIVE the Friday spelling test. Oh yes - I was that freakin cool.

Right now I want to cry. I picture the disapproving looks from other mom's with their Eddie Bauer strollers and sweaters perched on their shoulders when I tell them that I failed my one-hour glucose test. They will then tell me that they ate completely organic, met with their personal trainer daily and gave birth completely natural. Irrational? Yes - I know this. But when did a pregnant woman (with or without her Eddie Bauer stroller) ever claim to be rational? That's like claiming to not be tired.