Battles

I have been thinking lately about battles. We all have them, but the difference is which ones we choose to take head on. The saying "choose your battles" is true in a million instances throughout our daily lives.

::Said like Carrie Bradshaw::
But I can't help but wonder, when it comes to choosing our battles have we chosen wrong?

Some battles aren't ours to fight, and this can be very frustrating. In the matter of Oakley's mom and my husband, it isn't my battle. I am in the ring, but on the sidelines.. rubbing Brian's shoulders and spraying water in his mouth. But, when he goes to bat there is literally nothing I can do. If I were to run in there and put in my two cents I would just be looked at like "helloooo!? This isn't your fight!" For someone like me who loves my husband and stepson and wants to protect them from all that I can, this just kills me. It is a battle in itself to stay out of it. Believe me, I have put myself out there more times than I can count, but this just leads to complete defeat and feelings of helplessness.

Other battles probably are't as important but these are the ones that we seem to approach with the most gusto. We gear up in our armor with shield and sword and lunge towards our husband because "gasp" he didn't put the clothes away correctly, or (fill in your own example here). Lately, when an ex-friend decided that she hated me and to treat me like pondscum I couldn't confront her on it. One - because we're at work. Two - because I was so angry that I might cry and I hate that because it takes away from how angry I really am. Brian made the comment "why don't you lay into her like you lay into me sometimes?" I couldn't agree with him more, why am I able to be such a flaming bitch to those that I love but not to those who deserve it? More importantly, why is it easier to stand up for those that I love than it is myself? A tip from counseling? Choose your favorite childhood toy and imagine that what is being done to you is being done to them, then proceed accordingly. I went off on some people that had hurt my little "snow tiger!"

My mother passed away when I was 4 1/2 and when I was 16 I found a note that she had written days before she died that hit a core. She wrote "do I surround myself with other people's problems so that I don't have to face my own?" I felt as if my heart had spilled on to the page! I am guilty of that now as I was then. I have had to battle to make myself aware of being too helpful, to the point that I am no longer facing my own demons.

The main battle that I have chosen to ignore lately? The dreaded weight battle. When I should be putting on my armor (or tennis shoes) I have chosen to battle the dishes or laundry... or the leftover pie. When I should be focused and steadfast I have been distracted.

It is so easy to put ourselves on a shelf. I can't imagine that this will get any easier, especially once I have kids. I want so much to be a good example for my children and to teach them healthy choices. I want them to be confident and happy.

Perhaps we could all stand to do some reconfiguring in our lives. The next time our husband does something irritating, choose not to round up the troops. And, the next time that we are treated unfairly, get out your jousting pole and show them what you are made of! Realize when to step up and when to step back. Also, realize when you are just marching in place and need a good smack on the ass to make something happen! Most of all, choose wisely.