I think that the most important thing that I have read since becoming pregnant is "There is no right way to do pregnancy". I think that this should be every pregnant woman's mantra. The moment that you find out that you are pregnant and start sharing your news you will find that every person is an expert on how you should be doing things. Like you aren't scared enough after reading a bunch of books and websites suddenly you have strangers telling you how well they did during their pregnancy - that they didn't show until they were 6 months - that they wore heels up until nine months - that they ate only organic products and opted for a natural birth at home - that they worked up until the moment that their water broke. Add all of this to the fact that you are exhausted, scared, sick, on the verge of crazy and you have a very volatile equation!
My first 10 weeks were met by a complete and total rut. One that I'm not completely out of, but doing better. I was in bed by 8 and nothing mattered to me anymore because I was just so tired. I only missed one and a half days of work and I was very proud of that. That being said, I did not look like a model employee. I work in an office that is very casual so we can wear whatever we want. I showed up at work barely out of bed or out of the shower - no make up with pregnancy acne and half asleep. Greasy, unwashed hair or a wet ponytail and stretch pants became my staple look. Add this to a bra with boobs that are spilling out and arm pits that need to be shaved and I am quite the sight to behold!
I started to seriously wonder if I was cut out for pregnancy. I pictured other girls that wouldn't show for months and who were able to wear their professional clothes and keep complete compusure and thought that I was supposed to be like that. (surely they wouldn't throw a wooden spoon covered in taco meat at their husband's head or cry because they sneezed on their arm) I started to wonder if I'm not cut out for pregnancy - then there's no way that I can handle motherhood. One night I turned to Brian and said "I don't want to be pregnant anymore". I didn't mean that I didn't want to have this baby - but I was doubting myself so much and thought that my whole pregnancy would be stuck in this rut. I wanted the nine months to be over.
Now that I am feeling better I am able to look at that time a little more clear headed (a little being the key word). I was seriously handling everything the best that I could and the only way that I knew how. It worked for me. It wasn't fun - I didn't make it look easy or graceful by any means but I did it. The first trimester is a bitch any way you look at it. I know that there will be ups and downs this whole time. I've learned to imagine a woman's plethora of stretch marks as she tells me that she didn't have morning sickness and when they laugh at me because I'm only 11 weeks and say "just wait". I'm not stupid - I know that there is a whole lot ahead of me. I also imagine that these women's vaginas are stretched beyond recognition from their natural births. haha.
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3 comments:
Holy crap has it been 10 weeks already??!!
Now...repeat after me...deep breath in through your nose...blow it out sloooowwwwly through your mouth. Repeat 3 times.
The more your read/listen/see/etc. the more you will analyze what you are or aren't doing. I am a firm believer that as long as you aren't smoking, drinking, or doing drugs you are not seriously damaging your growing baby! There are so many theories on things you should take and stay away from, you'd have to live in a convent to adhere to it all!
Pregnancy is just the beginning of motherhood...and looking back it truly was the easy part! You think you question yourself now?...just wait until you have your little baby! That's when the self-doubt really begins! I don't know if a day goes by where I don't feel a little incompetent! But ya know what, it's a learning process...no mistakes or regrets, just experiences to learn from. Not a day will go by when you won't look at your baby's face and know everything is worth it!
I'd first like to "second" the "holy crap 10 weeks already comment!" for us bystanders, it went by so fast. Nisha, you are precious! I applaud you for taking this step and going through all of this. I know you can do this and motherhood will suit you well! I'm taking notes and I know you'll be there for me someday when I take that step. Hugs for you and a big GOLD Star! you are doing great!
I'm actually 12 weeks on Saturday -but who's counting? haha.
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