I've been thinking lately of those awkward moments when someone is hurting and you would do anything to make it stop. As you grasp for the right words to say all that comes to mind are cliches - which you want to make seem heart felt. People mean well, but can say the stupidest things.
Take miscarriages for instance. "It just wasn't right, it's God's way, It'll happen for you, you can always try again". What's the right thing to say?
I sat between two beautiful, smart, amazing women while waiting for a table one night. I was slouched down with my hand on my stomach feeling the baby kick while they talked about giving themselves horomone shots in their stomach. I held my breath to keep from crying. I wanted to tell them how brave I think they are, how deserving they are - but I didn't say much. There have been many times that I have felt undeserving of my pregnancy. There are so many other women that have tried so hard. I got pregnant the first month of trying. I honestly just don't get it. My heart aches for couples with fertility problems.
A coworker of mine lost her little girl to brain cancer. She had people tell her "well - at least you have other children, she's in a better place..."
When I was attacked by a man that had climbed through my windown I had people say "well - at least he didn't actually rape you, at least you weren't hurt". Yes - this is true, but sexual predators enjoy the humiliation of their crime. Not the sex or the pain inflicted.
I have made the decision to stop trying to grasp for just the right thing to say. Nothing that I can say is going to take away their pain or suddenly make them feel better. They know that if they need anything I am here. They know that if they need to talk I am here. They know that I am sorry. I am not some wise woman that is going to make the earth quake with my amazing advice. I will say that I am sorry - give them a hug. And to quote Keith Whitley - You say it best, when you say nothing at all.
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3 comments:
Thank you so much for this. But please remember that you have every right to love and cherish your pregnancy, don't ever let anyone's hurt or frustruation take away from you! You are going to be an amazing mother- you have so much love to give and it shows!
A child is a hope, not a promise...something which we all can easily take for granted. Love your little one with everything you have!
I swear you are my sistah from another mistah. I just thought about blogging about the same topic (then I read yours and now I can't be a copycat. LOL).
Cheers to my knocked-up on the first month twin. :)
Eeeek I am getting so excited for you that I can hardly stand it! Kari is right... regardless of anything going on... cherish and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can. This is an experience to love and remember, I wish all the best for you girlie!
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