17 Months

Dear Evie Rae,

Today you are 17 months. Mommy is able to actually write this on the exact day because you are asleep and daddy and his band are out playing a gig. I need to mention how much you love daddy and his music. You bob up and down to all of his songs, even though you've heard them a million times. And believe you me... mama doesn't bob up and down to them anymore. Not after a jillion band practices in our garage.

This month was 30 more days of me shaking my head in disbelief at the little girl you've become. The little girl you've been in many ways since day one. You take on the world marching with your elbows out and yet you are the sweetest, funniest little thing. You've learned this month how to "shake your sillies out" (as the Wiggles would put it). Every once in a while you just get to feeling silly and you'll sing a little song, scream, shake your head, fall down... all because the moment struck you. Because you are so very confident and capable it does add even more humor to the times that you fall, not just the silly falls but the many many times that you are in a full sprint and land with a thud. And you fall a lot. Some of it has to do with your age but most of it has to do with us being your parents. At one point this month you had two large scrapes on your forehead, a bruise under your eye, a scratch on your cheek and the remnants of your first bloody nose. You are much more dramatic about injuries when you are inside though. You love being outside SO much that you play hard, we hold our breaths, and you don't admit that you really, really want to cry. That could mean that we take you inside. And you can't have that.

We went to the Phoenix zoo last weekend. You called all of the animals DAWGS! Somehow you yell that word and have a southern drawl. Aunt Brandy says it may be that you are suffering from Randy Jackson syndrome but I think that you may have a whole lot more sillies that need to be shaken out!
You also growled at all of the animals which is one of your favorite things to do. Once you walked up to a lady whom you'd never met in your life on the playground, stopped in front of her and growled as loud as you could. I was left shrugging and explaining "she's very delicate".

As if daddy has any reason to question that you are in fact 110% is baby girl all he has to do is take you into 90 degree heat in Phoenix. The moment I opened the car door I was met with bright red cheeks. I flashed back to all of the times that I have seen daddy bright red. This means I will always know if you've had too many beers and hot wings.

Your constipation is still a constant struggle. I can't tell you how many blessed text messages I've received at work that say "she pooped". Of course I need to find out the details. When? How much? Consistency? Did she strain? Our world revolves around your bm's and our cupboards are filled with high fiber foods. Every time we seem to have you regular you cut a tooth and don't poop for days. This means mommy has to cry and give you a suppository or an enema. My poor baby girl, of all the things to plague you. Rest assured mommy, daddy and auntie Clara are becoming pooparrazi, nothing goes unnoticed and we are always wanting more.
You are such a little baby sponge and I love being shocked daily by the things that you learn. You run, dance your little butt off, talk up a storm and love being at big brother's school. Daddy brings you in with him when he picks up brother and you walk up to each child and start a jibber conversation, complete with talking with your hands. When I drop Oakley off in the morning you cry the saddest cry because you can't go too. I promise sweetie that the day will come that I drop you off at school too. Until then I just want to snuggle on the couch, hope for a bowel movement, watch the Wiggles and talk about the DAWG.

Love, Mama

Say a Little Prayer

Without saying too much in a public blog I wanted to let everyone know that our court date is scheduled for tomorrow at 1:30. If you could say a little prayer or think happy thoughts we would appreciate it very much. Hopefully justice will do the right thing and we will be able to keep a little boy safe.

Circa 16 Months

Dear Evie,

I wish I could say that my lack of newsletters has been due to my many hours of charitable dinners, housework and building homes for Habitat for Humanity... alas I have learned a little bit about being me again. I owe a great bit of this to the fact that you sleep now. . . through the night and usually 2 naps a day. For so long mommy lost herself and I am slowly finding me and learning a little about being selfish. Although I'd like to believe it's more about just being.



Today I put you down for a nap and then ran myself a bath. I turned the knob much further to the left than I have in a while. This is because you are usually in the tub with me and I don't want to scald your little behind.
I layed back with the newest Rolling Stone and was met with pink legos digging into my back. It was the perfect moment. I love the everyday reminders of you. When I reach into my purse and pull out a rubber ducky. The cereal strewed across my new 4Runner. The day that I took off my wedding ring to put on lotion and a Honey Smack was lodged behind my ring setting.


I do have to say that while you are doing some super, super cute things right now I am hoping that your current phase is on it's way out. This is the 15 month "pay attention to me at any cost" phase that includes you walking around complaining, whining, screaming, throwing yourself on to the tile floors all.day.long. It's gotten a little bit better but there were a few days where I went from trying to rationalize with you (picture me leaning down to your level to explain that I don't speak scream and whine and that you must use your words if you want mommy to pick you up), to giving into your whims, to ignoring you, to yelling back... and one moment when I tried to become a mirror of you, complete with throwing myself down also. You then were upset that you had been upstaged.

You walk, spin, walk backwards, dance, march, wave. You say mama, daddy, kitty, dawg (emphasis on the awg)nigh nigh, bye, thank you (day doo), juice.. and please once in a very blue moon. This is the constant struggle. If you would just say please rather than yelling I would give you whatever it is you wanted. Even if it was a hot frying pan with a switchblade. Just say please. Use your words. You know this, I know this but the scarey thing is that we are both incredibly stubborn.


Last month we had a very scary experience. I received a call at work that you had had a seizure and that an ambulance was on its way to the house. I ran out of work like a mad woman. I honestly know that if the largest man on earth would have tried to stand in my way I would have easily barrelled through him. The mama bear instinct is very much real. I arrived at the ER before you and daddy did and met Aunt Clara who was working. I saw the ambulance pull up and ran to where there were bringing you in. Around the corner came a stretcher with you in your toddler car seat. You were looking to each side at the paramedics that were wheeling you in and completely engaging them in conversation. You talked with your hands and were telling them all about something in your little jibberish. You were so capable and sure of yourself, even in that situation. You turned and saw me and your arms went straight out. Through an IV, blood draw, cath for urine sample, chest xray and everything else you were the bravest little girl I've ever met. I was petrified, but bursting with pride at the same time. You and I laid in the ER bed just like we did for the first few days of your life. I turned on cartoons for you and even though you were exhausted and hooked up to cords you still bobbed up and down a few times when music played. Ever my little dancin' girl.

Sweetie you are the most confident, determined, sure of herself, charming little girl. You walk proudly and surely with your butt and belly sticking out. You've had everyone around you trained and hypnotized since day one. I am in awe and a little scared at the same time. Surely these traits can mean that my job will be either a cinch or a synonym for hell.

No matter what I can tell you that you continue to amaze, scare, intrigue, entertain and shock your mama. I am so proud to be called yours.


Love,

Mama

When strapped for time... just post pics!

Merry Christmas!

I have my sister-in-law and two nephews in town for the holidays. They are some of the most open minded, kind people I have ever met. My sister-in-law is Christian (as much as my husband I suppose) and her husband is Jewish. My mother-in-law decided to teach the kids about Chanukah this year. She bought dreidel cookie cutters and star of david window clings.

This brought up a conversation that has been on my mind ever since. With all of the uproar about church and state... what about those of us that consider the celebration a cultural one? My brother-in-law isn't a practicing Jew, my husband hasn't been to church since he was a boy and I haven't been a practicing Mormon for a long time. You don't have to be Irish to wear green on St Patrick's Day and don't have to believe in Love to get a candy heart on St. Valentine's Day - so why is it such a big deal that we celebrate a holiday and don't do everything that goes with it? Putting Christ in Christmas isn't as important as keeping family in Christmas. All of the tradition and good spirits embody exactly what Christ stood for. I have a nativity set that I gingerly set out... and I have my doubts all at the same time.

Christmas for me this year has a whole new meaning. I can say that I am more excited about the presents than I've ever been. But I'm excited about Evie's presents. I can't wait to see Christmas through her eyes.

Speaking of which I have a new Oakley conversation:

Mother in Law: Oakley, do you know what the Star of David is?

Oakley: Um, yeah. It's the star that the three wise men followed to find that boy.

Me: What boy? (nervously...)

Oakley: Jesus

Star of David, Star of Bethlehem. It doesn't matter when the conversation is held at a dinner table over gingerbread cookies straight out of the oven.

Christmas is a fundemental part of our American culture. It is constantly over scrutinized and over commercialized (although I LOVE some of the commercials!)

It is what it is. And I hope it's merry for everyone!

Overheard at our house

Oakley - Why don't we just go out to dinner tonight?

Dad - Because we don't have the money for that right now. We work really hard and are able to pay our bills and that's it right now. Do you know what that's called? (I think he was going for being an adult or responsibility)

Oakley - A rip off?

Guest Book

PostPartum Obsession

I heard once that having a baby is having your heart live out of your body. It sounds like an exaggeration - but it's actually an understatement. It's a little piece of your soul in pink crocs. It's never being able to listen to a news story about neglected children, it's giving to St. Jude's because you can't look away, it's having your daughter vomit in your mouth and spitting it out because you are more concerned about her than anything else. It's the happiest that I have ever been in my whole life.


I am not sure how it happened but I'm pretty sure that Evelynn grew three feet during her 2nd nap today. When I went in to get her I had a little girl

standing there in her crib grinning ear to ear. My little baby is growing up and I feel like mommy has gotten wiser but then has become a million times more vulnerable.


When I first had Evie there was a complete transformation that nobody talks about. It never came up in birthing class or in any of my books. I had to will myself to care about anything or anybody else other than my baby. I literally had to force myself to make those relationships a priority again. Everything from my houseplants to my marriage were not only put on the back burner - but I really didn't care where they were. Nothing, and I mean nothing mattered but that little being in my arms and whether or not she was ok.

Some women are afraid that their looks or body will fade. I say that they should be thankful when that concern returns. I will admit that I was happy to see my ankles again - but other than that I may as well have been a walking portal in which to nourish and care for Evelynn.

Time carries on and eventually I bought new non-maternity underwear and visited my husband in the garage. I watered my plants and patted my dog on the nose again. I fed my cat and brushed my hair. The curling iron has just now found it's way back into my routine - but lord knows it's not daily.

The first year I was a zombie-love-portal for something that weighs less than 20 lbs. I had facial hair, dark roots and I'm still sporting a killer mom-front-butt. But if you were to stand me next to the skinny, 18-year-old beauty I was you would see that I am just now sporting the confidence and pride that I lacked. I don't have a killer career, a million dollars, a title, pedigree or great arms in a tank top. But I have a little girl that lays her head on my shoulder when she doesn't feel well. And I've been able to let other things matter to me.


Now my husband and dog are back in my bed. I've started to scrapbook the jillion pictures I've taken. I'd love to say things were back to normal. But as of a year ago my life will never, ever be the same.

Today

Today is Evelynn's first birthday party. Last year at this time I had no clue that I would be a mommy two weeks early - however I would have hugged someone if they told me that!

It's so funny watching Evie this morning because she has no clue that there will be an onslaght of presents and admirers tonight. I even have her presents set out and she has no clue. She really only cares about head diving off of the couch onto the air mattress with Oakley.

Pictures to follow and Evie's one year newsletter. It's so bittersweet. I am so excited for everything that she is doing and all of her new discoveries. But I am losing my little teeny baby.

I was tagged by Heather -

3 Favorite Last Purchases....
1. New scrubs
2. Two very soft T-shirts from JCPenney
3. Evie's birthday presents and Halloween costume

3 Favorite Movies...
1. Moulin Rouge
2. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
3. Waitress

3 Things I Haven't Done Yet...
1. Traveled abroad
2. Gone to college
3. learned to sew

3 Things I Cannot Live Without...
1. My Family
2. My books
3. My pets

3 Favorite Dishes...
1. Chicken & Dumplings
2. Beans & Cornbread
3. Salmon & Brown Rice

3 Favorite TV Shows...
1. Jon & Kate + 8
2. Tori & Dean
3. House Hunters

3 Last Places I Traveled...
1. SLC
2. Jerome
3. Las Vegas (Heather's travelogue is far cooler than mine)

3 Things I Would Buy if Money Weren't an Issue...
1. A child's bookstore, just like the one in You've Got Mail.
2. A larger house.
3. A restaurant for Brian

3 Wishes...
1. For Evie and Oakley to grow up healthy & happy
2. To be the kind of wife and mommy that would make my mom proud
3. To be holding my pain-in-the-ass husband's hand in 100 years

I tag:
(I think Tray is the only one that hasn't been tagged yet...)

11 Months

Dear Evie,

I am sitting here at 7 am after sleeping through the night! This is the second time in your life you've done that and the first mommy sat up worried the whole time. This time I slept and I feel like a whole new woman.

You have had a very busy couple of months! You had your cousins in town in August and then over labor day weekend you went on your first airplane ride to Salt Lake City. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Suddenly I was the girl on the airplane that people would be giving dirty looks and wouldn't want to sit by. But you were SO good. Charming really. You got to meet so many people that are so important to mommy. They couldn't believe how pretty and good natured you are. I was just glad that I didn't have to say over and over "I swear she's really never like this" like I did in my pre-vacation nightmares. I suppose it's mommy's role to get ready for the worst just in case.

Speaking of getting ready for the worst I was petrified of getting you into your own bed. Scared to death. I had people telling me it was going to be hell but to be strong. I had people on standby who I would call when you were crying and crying. Even your doctor told me that since I had waited this long to get you into your own bed that you would be there until slumber party age and would only get out then because you were embarrassed. I told myself that I would wait until after our vacation so that I wouldn't undo everything that I did while we were gone. It took a couple of days of putting it off once I got home but daddy made the first move. He put you in your play pen and went outside to clean the windows (he cannot stand to hear his little girl cry, tough guy image aside). When he came back in you were asleep and slept for TWO hours. This is the first time that you have slept that long alone and you've only slept that long a few times next to someone. Then we moved you into your crib for a nap and you passed right out. During the

whole transition you never cried for even five minutes. You were so ready to be in your own bed with your own space. A huge thank you is in order to your Aunt Kimberly for realizing that you were a blankie baby and buying you two identical security blankets. You rub the satin between your fingers to fall asleep. Finally I have been replaced as your security blanket.

You started crawling on your 10 month birthday. At first it was a strange gangster/pirate crawl because you couldn't figure out how to get one leg underneath you. So it was a half-bear crawl.

You have another tooth breaking through on the top. This makes three but this third one has pretty much kicked your butt~!

You pull yourself up but not as much as most babies. I can't get you to sit down in the bathtub but when I pick you up and try to get you to stand you tuck your little legs underneath you.

It seems like every month I think that this is the funnest age but the past two have been remarkably enjoyable. You say kitty, doggy, mama and dada and shake your head no. You also do the cutest dances but only to certain songs. It's hilarious the ones that you decide to dance to. You love to make people smile and laugh and you honestly seem upset when others are not happy around you.

I am currently planning for your one-year birthday party and it fills me with a huge sense of accomplishment for making it through the first year and everything that we've come through. However it also makes me sad. The kind of sad when your summer vacation is over and you had such a blast but you're a little excited for the school year. I am filling my days with Cinderella invitations and blue streamers. Once again I can't stress to you enough how much my heart swells with pride at the little girl you are becoming.

Love,

Mama

p.s. I hope that your withdrawl symptoms go away now Tray! : )

Memories

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you! reminisce away...

Pay no attention to the missing 7 month pic! haha

9 Months

Dear Evie,

I didn't understand the term "heart swelling with pride" until now. Having you was the first time that I loved something so much it scared me but now I find myself literally swelling with pride when I watch you. You are such a charmer and such a sweet little girl. Granted, your charming skills aren't always good for the rest of your family which you seem to have trained. Case and point your 9 month check up.

Dr. "Is she crawling yet"
Me: "Not yet but she rolls all over the place"
::You throw down toy you are holding and big brother jumps up and hands it back to you and sits back down::
Dr. "Hhhhmm... well is she pulling herself up yet?"
Me: "No, she doesn't seem interested in that at all."
::Drops toy, Oakley jumps up and hands it back::
Dr. "And how is your response time to her when she fusses?"
::Throws down toy and big brother jumps up::
The doctor just looked at us and raised an eyebrow. BUSTED! You Sooooo have your family trained. Not just trained, we are so incredibly wrapped around your little finger.

You are still in mommy's bed but I plan to start your sleep training when you and I get back from Salt Lake City. I know that we are both going to shed a whole lotta tears. I also know that it will be best for you in the long run.

As I mentioned before you are still not crawling but you are rolling all over the house. Literally from one side of the house to the other. It's amazing how much ground you can cover this way. You are even able to roll around corners and switch directions.

You can also clap now and it is the cutest stinkin' thing! You learned at Weight Watchers. You go there every Thursday with Aunt Clara and during one of the recent weigh-ins you started clapping along with everyone else.


You are eating a lot of regular foods now too. It is so surreal to me to see you bite off a piece of food and begin chewing it. I should have known that eating would come easy to you - considering your parents!

I have started your baby scrapbook and I can't believe how far you've come - how far we've both come. You have taught me so much about life, emotions and myself. I look back to when I was 18 and knew everything and realize how far I was and how far I still am. Isn't it amazing that a little 16 pound person can have so much impact?My heart swells with pride, my head reels with realization and my heart absolutely bursts with love.

Love always,
Mama

8 Months Old

Dear Evie,

Oh the simple things in life! Having you around reminds me of those. You have a rubbermaid container full of toys, wonderful toys that I picked out and would love to have myself. And you prefer tupperware containers and lids. You love your plastic spoons and beaded necklaces. Spatulas, colanders, you name it! A piece of advice to expecting moms - buy stock in gladware!

You thought this baby thing was a ton of fun but didn't realize that it could take on a whole new dimension until you found your tongue! Oh the joys of sticking that out all.the.time. You look so goofy with your tongue to the side and then you make the most obnoxious noises. Not cute ga ga goo goo but guttoral yells and noises. You are my delicate flower and I expect you to start acting like it! haha

Momma always gets a little defensive when the subject of spoiling you comes up. I should probably step back and think about why I react this way. Is it because you are 8 months old and still don't hold your own bottle or sippie cup? You throw your head back, open your mouth real wide and put your hands to the side. Daddy says he feels like he has a gerbil and we should somehow attach your sippie cup to something so that you can help yourself. To me you look just like a baby bird - but a baby bird would be flying by now and you have no interest in such things.

Crawling? Not interested one little bit. You don't try to climb on things or scoot. You sit and talk and want to be involved but you do not need to be mobile to do these things. I have tried putting something out of your reach and trying to get you to come and get it. You get so upset and it doesn't last long.

And yes, you are back in mommy's bed. I tried to put you in the pack and play just the other day and you threw such a fit and got so worked up that you nearly vommitted. I will keep trying but I'm going to need a little cooperation. Daddy is no longer sleeping in the gargage - but this is only because it's too hot and he's now on an air mattress in your room. The room that we painted for you and furnished for you - daddy sleeps in it and you sleep in his spot in a king-sized bed. You better be a little easy on him during your teenage years for that.

Love, Mama