When strapped for time... just post pics!

Merry Christmas!

I have my sister-in-law and two nephews in town for the holidays. They are some of the most open minded, kind people I have ever met. My sister-in-law is Christian (as much as my husband I suppose) and her husband is Jewish. My mother-in-law decided to teach the kids about Chanukah this year. She bought dreidel cookie cutters and star of david window clings.

This brought up a conversation that has been on my mind ever since. With all of the uproar about church and state... what about those of us that consider the celebration a cultural one? My brother-in-law isn't a practicing Jew, my husband hasn't been to church since he was a boy and I haven't been a practicing Mormon for a long time. You don't have to be Irish to wear green on St Patrick's Day and don't have to believe in Love to get a candy heart on St. Valentine's Day - so why is it such a big deal that we celebrate a holiday and don't do everything that goes with it? Putting Christ in Christmas isn't as important as keeping family in Christmas. All of the tradition and good spirits embody exactly what Christ stood for. I have a nativity set that I gingerly set out... and I have my doubts all at the same time.

Christmas for me this year has a whole new meaning. I can say that I am more excited about the presents than I've ever been. But I'm excited about Evie's presents. I can't wait to see Christmas through her eyes.

Speaking of which I have a new Oakley conversation:

Mother in Law: Oakley, do you know what the Star of David is?

Oakley: Um, yeah. It's the star that the three wise men followed to find that boy.

Me: What boy? (nervously...)

Oakley: Jesus

Star of David, Star of Bethlehem. It doesn't matter when the conversation is held at a dinner table over gingerbread cookies straight out of the oven.

Christmas is a fundemental part of our American culture. It is constantly over scrutinized and over commercialized (although I LOVE some of the commercials!)

It is what it is. And I hope it's merry for everyone!

Overheard at our house

Oakley - Why don't we just go out to dinner tonight?

Dad - Because we don't have the money for that right now. We work really hard and are able to pay our bills and that's it right now. Do you know what that's called? (I think he was going for being an adult or responsibility)

Oakley - A rip off?

Guest Book

PostPartum Obsession

I heard once that having a baby is having your heart live out of your body. It sounds like an exaggeration - but it's actually an understatement. It's a little piece of your soul in pink crocs. It's never being able to listen to a news story about neglected children, it's giving to St. Jude's because you can't look away, it's having your daughter vomit in your mouth and spitting it out because you are more concerned about her than anything else. It's the happiest that I have ever been in my whole life.


I am not sure how it happened but I'm pretty sure that Evelynn grew three feet during her 2nd nap today. When I went in to get her I had a little girl

standing there in her crib grinning ear to ear. My little baby is growing up and I feel like mommy has gotten wiser but then has become a million times more vulnerable.


When I first had Evie there was a complete transformation that nobody talks about. It never came up in birthing class or in any of my books. I had to will myself to care about anything or anybody else other than my baby. I literally had to force myself to make those relationships a priority again. Everything from my houseplants to my marriage were not only put on the back burner - but I really didn't care where they were. Nothing, and I mean nothing mattered but that little being in my arms and whether or not she was ok.

Some women are afraid that their looks or body will fade. I say that they should be thankful when that concern returns. I will admit that I was happy to see my ankles again - but other than that I may as well have been a walking portal in which to nourish and care for Evelynn.

Time carries on and eventually I bought new non-maternity underwear and visited my husband in the garage. I watered my plants and patted my dog on the nose again. I fed my cat and brushed my hair. The curling iron has just now found it's way back into my routine - but lord knows it's not daily.

The first year I was a zombie-love-portal for something that weighs less than 20 lbs. I had facial hair, dark roots and I'm still sporting a killer mom-front-butt. But if you were to stand me next to the skinny, 18-year-old beauty I was you would see that I am just now sporting the confidence and pride that I lacked. I don't have a killer career, a million dollars, a title, pedigree or great arms in a tank top. But I have a little girl that lays her head on my shoulder when she doesn't feel well. And I've been able to let other things matter to me.


Now my husband and dog are back in my bed. I've started to scrapbook the jillion pictures I've taken. I'd love to say things were back to normal. But as of a year ago my life will never, ever be the same.

Today

Today is Evelynn's first birthday party. Last year at this time I had no clue that I would be a mommy two weeks early - however I would have hugged someone if they told me that!

It's so funny watching Evie this morning because she has no clue that there will be an onslaght of presents and admirers tonight. I even have her presents set out and she has no clue. She really only cares about head diving off of the couch onto the air mattress with Oakley.

Pictures to follow and Evie's one year newsletter. It's so bittersweet. I am so excited for everything that she is doing and all of her new discoveries. But I am losing my little teeny baby.

I was tagged by Heather -

3 Favorite Last Purchases....
1. New scrubs
2. Two very soft T-shirts from JCPenney
3. Evie's birthday presents and Halloween costume

3 Favorite Movies...
1. Moulin Rouge
2. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
3. Waitress

3 Things I Haven't Done Yet...
1. Traveled abroad
2. Gone to college
3. learned to sew

3 Things I Cannot Live Without...
1. My Family
2. My books
3. My pets

3 Favorite Dishes...
1. Chicken & Dumplings
2. Beans & Cornbread
3. Salmon & Brown Rice

3 Favorite TV Shows...
1. Jon & Kate + 8
2. Tori & Dean
3. House Hunters

3 Last Places I Traveled...
1. SLC
2. Jerome
3. Las Vegas (Heather's travelogue is far cooler than mine)

3 Things I Would Buy if Money Weren't an Issue...
1. A child's bookstore, just like the one in You've Got Mail.
2. A larger house.
3. A restaurant for Brian

3 Wishes...
1. For Evie and Oakley to grow up healthy & happy
2. To be the kind of wife and mommy that would make my mom proud
3. To be holding my pain-in-the-ass husband's hand in 100 years

I tag:
(I think Tray is the only one that hasn't been tagged yet...)

11 Months

Dear Evie,

I am sitting here at 7 am after sleeping through the night! This is the second time in your life you've done that and the first mommy sat up worried the whole time. This time I slept and I feel like a whole new woman.

You have had a very busy couple of months! You had your cousins in town in August and then over labor day weekend you went on your first airplane ride to Salt Lake City. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Suddenly I was the girl on the airplane that people would be giving dirty looks and wouldn't want to sit by. But you were SO good. Charming really. You got to meet so many people that are so important to mommy. They couldn't believe how pretty and good natured you are. I was just glad that I didn't have to say over and over "I swear she's really never like this" like I did in my pre-vacation nightmares. I suppose it's mommy's role to get ready for the worst just in case.

Speaking of getting ready for the worst I was petrified of getting you into your own bed. Scared to death. I had people telling me it was going to be hell but to be strong. I had people on standby who I would call when you were crying and crying. Even your doctor told me that since I had waited this long to get you into your own bed that you would be there until slumber party age and would only get out then because you were embarrassed. I told myself that I would wait until after our vacation so that I wouldn't undo everything that I did while we were gone. It took a couple of days of putting it off once I got home but daddy made the first move. He put you in your play pen and went outside to clean the windows (he cannot stand to hear his little girl cry, tough guy image aside). When he came back in you were asleep and slept for TWO hours. This is the first time that you have slept that long alone and you've only slept that long a few times next to someone. Then we moved you into your crib for a nap and you passed right out. During the

whole transition you never cried for even five minutes. You were so ready to be in your own bed with your own space. A huge thank you is in order to your Aunt Kimberly for realizing that you were a blankie baby and buying you two identical security blankets. You rub the satin between your fingers to fall asleep. Finally I have been replaced as your security blanket.

You started crawling on your 10 month birthday. At first it was a strange gangster/pirate crawl because you couldn't figure out how to get one leg underneath you. So it was a half-bear crawl.

You have another tooth breaking through on the top. This makes three but this third one has pretty much kicked your butt~!

You pull yourself up but not as much as most babies. I can't get you to sit down in the bathtub but when I pick you up and try to get you to stand you tuck your little legs underneath you.

It seems like every month I think that this is the funnest age but the past two have been remarkably enjoyable. You say kitty, doggy, mama and dada and shake your head no. You also do the cutest dances but only to certain songs. It's hilarious the ones that you decide to dance to. You love to make people smile and laugh and you honestly seem upset when others are not happy around you.

I am currently planning for your one-year birthday party and it fills me with a huge sense of accomplishment for making it through the first year and everything that we've come through. However it also makes me sad. The kind of sad when your summer vacation is over and you had such a blast but you're a little excited for the school year. I am filling my days with Cinderella invitations and blue streamers. Once again I can't stress to you enough how much my heart swells with pride at the little girl you are becoming.

Love,

Mama

p.s. I hope that your withdrawl symptoms go away now Tray! : )

Memories

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you! reminisce away...

Pay no attention to the missing 7 month pic! haha

9 Months

Dear Evie,

I didn't understand the term "heart swelling with pride" until now. Having you was the first time that I loved something so much it scared me but now I find myself literally swelling with pride when I watch you. You are such a charmer and such a sweet little girl. Granted, your charming skills aren't always good for the rest of your family which you seem to have trained. Case and point your 9 month check up.

Dr. "Is she crawling yet"
Me: "Not yet but she rolls all over the place"
::You throw down toy you are holding and big brother jumps up and hands it back to you and sits back down::
Dr. "Hhhhmm... well is she pulling herself up yet?"
Me: "No, she doesn't seem interested in that at all."
::Drops toy, Oakley jumps up and hands it back::
Dr. "And how is your response time to her when she fusses?"
::Throws down toy and big brother jumps up::
The doctor just looked at us and raised an eyebrow. BUSTED! You Sooooo have your family trained. Not just trained, we are so incredibly wrapped around your little finger.

You are still in mommy's bed but I plan to start your sleep training when you and I get back from Salt Lake City. I know that we are both going to shed a whole lotta tears. I also know that it will be best for you in the long run.

As I mentioned before you are still not crawling but you are rolling all over the house. Literally from one side of the house to the other. It's amazing how much ground you can cover this way. You are even able to roll around corners and switch directions.

You can also clap now and it is the cutest stinkin' thing! You learned at Weight Watchers. You go there every Thursday with Aunt Clara and during one of the recent weigh-ins you started clapping along with everyone else.


You are eating a lot of regular foods now too. It is so surreal to me to see you bite off a piece of food and begin chewing it. I should have known that eating would come easy to you - considering your parents!

I have started your baby scrapbook and I can't believe how far you've come - how far we've both come. You have taught me so much about life, emotions and myself. I look back to when I was 18 and knew everything and realize how far I was and how far I still am. Isn't it amazing that a little 16 pound person can have so much impact?My heart swells with pride, my head reels with realization and my heart absolutely bursts with love.

Love always,
Mama

8 Months Old

Dear Evie,

Oh the simple things in life! Having you around reminds me of those. You have a rubbermaid container full of toys, wonderful toys that I picked out and would love to have myself. And you prefer tupperware containers and lids. You love your plastic spoons and beaded necklaces. Spatulas, colanders, you name it! A piece of advice to expecting moms - buy stock in gladware!

You thought this baby thing was a ton of fun but didn't realize that it could take on a whole new dimension until you found your tongue! Oh the joys of sticking that out all.the.time. You look so goofy with your tongue to the side and then you make the most obnoxious noises. Not cute ga ga goo goo but guttoral yells and noises. You are my delicate flower and I expect you to start acting like it! haha

Momma always gets a little defensive when the subject of spoiling you comes up. I should probably step back and think about why I react this way. Is it because you are 8 months old and still don't hold your own bottle or sippie cup? You throw your head back, open your mouth real wide and put your hands to the side. Daddy says he feels like he has a gerbil and we should somehow attach your sippie cup to something so that you can help yourself. To me you look just like a baby bird - but a baby bird would be flying by now and you have no interest in such things.

Crawling? Not interested one little bit. You don't try to climb on things or scoot. You sit and talk and want to be involved but you do not need to be mobile to do these things. I have tried putting something out of your reach and trying to get you to come and get it. You get so upset and it doesn't last long.

And yes, you are back in mommy's bed. I tried to put you in the pack and play just the other day and you threw such a fit and got so worked up that you nearly vommitted. I will keep trying but I'm going to need a little cooperation. Daddy is no longer sleeping in the gargage - but this is only because it's too hot and he's now on an air mattress in your room. The room that we painted for you and furnished for you - daddy sleeps in it and you sleep in his spot in a king-sized bed. You better be a little easy on him during your teenage years for that.

Love, Mama

Month 7.5 (and 6)

Dear Evie,

While you were still in my belly daddy and I would talk about which features we hoped you'd have. My lips (daddy has none), his chin (I lack there but seem to be growing a few others) and so on. We are delighted to find out that you are the perfect mix of both of us - and we're shocked to find that two average looking people can create such a beautiful little girl. We've been told on many occasions that we need to get you an agent and, while this is very flattering, this is the furthest thing from our minds.

One thing that I didn't wish on you was chronic consipation. And oh - do you have it bad. You have gone as long as 4+ days without pooping. Most grown and very strong men would be grumpy after just two - but not you. You are still the most pleasant, good-natured happy baby. Sure, you have your moments of squawking and being demanding, but for a little girl that doesn't sleep or poop it's really unbelievable. We tried everything; lots of water, prune juice, apple juice, apple prune juice, dark karo syrup, rectal thermometer and then finally ... suppositories. And then you delivered five of the biggest poops I've ever seen come out in my life. All I could do was cry and hold your legs up while you screamed, sweat and pushed. A part of me blamed myself. I thought back to the many times that I sat on the toilet as a little girl and cried. I thought about the times that it was easier to just not go than to go through the torture of giving fecal birth. I apologize for this part of my heredity - hopefully you'll acquire my ability to crack yourself up to make up for it. This comes in handy.

We finally went to the pediatrician and she has you on a daily does of Miralax. So far so good. She did a rectal exam and you didn't even cry. You are SO tough I can't even believe it. You bonk your head, fall over and so on and don't shed a tear. This was not handed down from me (I will pause a second while the readers that know me giggle and nod their heads) I am not physically tough. I am the girl that rode her breaks all the way down a steep hill to prevent from falling. You throw yourself off of my lap and love the sensation of falling backwards.

One more thing you can thank me for - allergies. Sorry 'bout that one. All that congestion and such wasn't a lingering cold. The doctor said that it should be much worse this time next year because you will understand more and will try to itch your face more. We only did benadryl a few times at bed time. I may stock up for allergy season next year.

Speaking of pain tolerance - um... you could've mentioned that you were teething! I knew that it was coming up because you would get a little cranky and get rosey cheeks but on Friday, June 6th I came home from work and daddy casually mentioned that you had a tooth! I jumped up and grabbed you and stuck my finger in your mouth. Sure enough you had your first tooth all the way cut through! We danced around and sang made-up "toofer" songs and you seemed genuinely proud of your accomplishment. The next day I announced to a friend that you had a tooth. She felt in there and lo and behold - there were TWO teeth! So you are my little jack-o-lantern now with your two bottom teeth. I have yet to get a picture. You guard those little suckers with that tongue!

I was home from work for three weeks and you and I were able to spend a whole lotta quality time together. This has been so wonderful but it has also developed a case of separation anxiety. You don't like it when I even leave a room and you have learned how to hold out your arms to me when you want to be picked up. This is not a nice trick since I had a hard time putting you down to begin with. For so long I felt like I was just a food source and a set of boobs, now I'm the person that you want more than anyone else - even daddy! And he lets you ride the dog and has been known to place you in salad bowls!

You went on your first weekend trip to Pahrump, NV to see your grandma on Mother's Day. The 5+ hour car ride turned into a nearly 7 hour car ride because we made a lot of stops to let you get out and look around. It's just not fair to get you used to being mobile and then strap you in a seat for that amount of time. We went to the hoover dam and to a duck pond and you loved looking around! You love other people and kids. You love your Grandma and Grandpa Roy. We went to a buffet for Mother's Day and you got sick and vommited all over me twice. I like to think of it as my first mother's day gift from you. As I drove back to the house covered in puke all I could think about was how miserable you felt and how I would do anything to take that feeling away from you. In a lot of ways feeling that much like a mommy was a great mother's day gift. We left at 9 that night and drove all night so that you could sleep the whole ride home. Aunt Clara told me it was my job to talk to her and keep her awake - I think she gave that responsibility to the right person. Talk for 5 hours? Done.

Your belly laugh is in full force now. It is so much fun. Sometimes you and I get to cracking up together. We just look at eachother and laugh and laugh.

You have officially noticed the dog and cat. You shake with delight when you see kitties. You laugh at the dog from across the room and he comes up to you and lets you pull on his lips and poke him in the eye.

You have had a lot of firsts since my last letter. To name a few...

First swimming trip.

Sitting up!

First trip to the zoo.

First swing.

First teeth.

First time sitting by yourself in a shopping cart.

First teething cookie.

First sippie cup.

First popsicle (thanks to Opa).. you can also thank him for the first taste of beer.

You are now 15.2 pounds. You love being around people and think that the animals and other children are very funny. You are one tough little cookie and seem to have quite the adventurous streak. You love the water, talking loudly and sweet potatoes.

Me and daddy both hope that we can give you much more than just things inherited. We want to pass down lessons learned. Daddy and I both learned things the hard way and I hope that you are able to learn from our mistakes. I hope that you are able to come to us and speak candidly about your life. I have some crazy stories sweetheart and many of them I would take back - but not if it means saving you some heartache. We will always be here for you.

Love always, Mama

I promise not to slack this month

Month 7 newsletter coming soon.

A few of my favorite (baby) things...

Having a baby brings on a whole new vocabulary... from the bumbo to the boppy to the binky and so on. There are things that I can't live without - and others that I just think are such a great idea.

http://makemyownmonster.com/ These toys are so stinkin' cute. Evelynn has Oliver and I love the little story behind him and that he was created by a four-year-old. He is super soft and huggable.

Kids inevitably play with things that seem silly to us. Like the wrapping paper from an expensive gift, the box that it came in, etc. Oakley once played with my laundry basket for an entire day. Someone must have taken notice of how much children love the tags on blankets, stuffed animals and such and decided to create Taggies. Evie loves hers, she runs the tags through her fingers. Her taggie is small enough to take most places so if she does become attached to it. http://taggies.com/home_us.html

Any expecting mom needs to invest in a boppy and stat. Also, make sure that you bring it to the hospital with you. It's a big help and kinda comfy in the awkward hospital bed. It makes a mommy a little less nervous when visitors come because it allows them to hold the baby very securely.

Evelynn's travel system saved our sanity. She is a very social baby and needs to be in the thick of whatever is going on (even if it's not much). She doesn't sleep for fear that she may miss out on something and lord help us if we put her down and leave a room and she feels left out. One day I came home from work to find tire tracks all over my house. Daddy had figured out that he could put her in her car seat and stroller and wheel her from room to room while he actually got things accomplished. She was high enough that she felt included and we could actually (gasp) put her down! This worked until she realized that she didn't want to be laying down anymore. The poor thing was doing cruches trying to be more upright. That's when I ordered her bumbo.

The bumbo has been super-wonderful. She helps daddy cook, me get ready in the morning and has even helped daddy in the garden. The bumbo has travelled with us to the in-laws and even to restaurants.

Evie was determined to be upright and the crunches continued on into bathtime. I considered putting her bumbo into the tub but I googled that and everything that I read discouraged doing that.

SO I got this - http://www.munchkin.com/products/detail.html?section=prodCategories&ID=10000&pID=168 and I love, love it. And it was only $10! Evie can sit up and kick around, it doesn't take as much water to fill up and it even has a suction cup so that it hangs on the wall when we're finished. Also, you squeeze the bill and it quacks! Munchkin products are all very innovative and cost effective. I have the dishwasher basket and formula dispensers too. The dispenser is great because I don't have to pack the huge container of formula in the diaper bag.

The one toy that seems to go everywhere with us is this guy. It could be because he has so much to keep her occupied, it could be that I just think that he is the cutest. He rings, vibrates, crunches and had plenty of other things to feel and look at.

Right now my favorite bedtime story is Jamberry by Bruce Degen. I love the rhythym of the story and the colors.

Favorite lotion and soap-Aveeno Calming Lavender and Vanilla.

Favorite diapers - Luvs... best bang for your buck and they have leaked less than the more expensive brands (hhhmmm... I sound eerily like the commercial)

Favorite clothing brand - Carters. Their stuff seems to fit the best and is the most durable.

Favorite formula - Walmart Parent's Choice brand. It is such a better value than the more expensive ones.

This list will be forever expanding. Hopefully it can be helpful to another mommy just learning the lingo. Of course every baby is different. Mine hated her sling, swing (even though it's nearly $200 and has it's own papasan and canopy), and she is just now starting to like her vibrating chair. Keep your receipts ladies and don't be afraid to take things back. Odds are if they aren't buying it from the get go, it may collect dust from here on out. Instead, start stocking up on cardboard boxes and laundry baskets!

No Thrill in a Job Hunt

I've said it before and I'll say it again... job hunting sucks ass. The only thing that sucks worse is getting canned and then knowing that the hunt is ahead.

Every morning I wake up and check the classifieds. I email my resume and write down numbers to fax to later. I check a few different websites and send some that way.

Then I wait. And my phone hardly rings. It hardly rings from employers that I probably don't want to work for anyway. Those employers don't call me to offer money that is far less than what I've made for the past few years.

Job hunting brings my maturity level and self esteem straight back to my Sophomore year in high school.

I had an interview last Thursday that was very promising. The first question that the lady asked me is if I was offended by dirty jokes. My response, "Why, do you have one?" Come to find out the boss referred to herself as Trucker Jen and her favorite word was fuck. I immediately perked up - we could really be on to something here! I quickly explained to her that I came from a small mining town with a mining father that loved that word so much that he added it to other words. . . such as fanfuckingtastic, absofuckinglutely and damnfuckingright (just to name a few). She told me that she had a few more people to interview but that she liked me the best. She explained the job duties as if they were already mine and I left there knowing that I would soon be the assistant manager of a large apartment complex. However, the more I thought about it, I couldn't shake the feeling that we didn't part as well as we should have. For the first time in my life I think that I may have been passed up because I don't smoke. The interviewer walked me out and grabbed a Marlboro Light 100 (isn't that somewhat of an oxymoron right there, light... but larger???) Anyhoo she asked me if I smoked and I told her no, she kind of startled and quickly said that her and Trucker Jen do. "Uh Huh" I said, not thinking anything of it. When I called on Monday to find out if the position had been filled the voice on the other end was very froggy and I imagine that the smoker's bench is well-used among the new personnel.

As I hung up I started to lecture myself for not explaining myself more. Why didn't I quickly interject that I was still nursing? Or tell her of the many packs that I have smoked in my young life? I could have told her that when I'm stressed I love the smell of a cigarette and miss it so much sometimes. Then I stopped. This is what job hunting does to a person. It makes them so desperate to find a home and a position that they are able to question and change who they are. I didn't want to work for Trucker Jen, even though I wouldn't flinch at the word fuck - who wants to be in that environment all of the time?

It's like in high school when you would get dumped and your friends would say "He's such a jerk, and not even that cute anyways". They meant well but what you really heard is "Geez - how will you ever score a great guy if the ugly losers dump you!"

And so, I wait for the phone to ring. Sometimes I open it and check the volume to make sure that it's not on silent. I go over conversations of prospects in my head and lay awake at night and wish that someone would just want me. Age old wisdom is repeated like a mantra and needed more than ever - just be yourself. I don't smoke, I am a people person, I do play well with others (honest!Apparently just not crotchety old bitches...ooops did I say that out loud?! hehe), I am damn computer savvy, and even though F Bombs do not offend me - I am a professional girl who is still able to have a little fun and bring a sense of normalcy to a workplace. Please hold while I copy and paste this entry as my new fanfuckingtastic resume cover letter!

Exception

There is an exception to the "no talkie about workie" law, it states that it is perfectly fine to talk about your job if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will not get you fired. A good indication that you will not lose your job is if on Friday afternoon you were canned out of the blue.

And can I just say for the record that I LOVED my job? Not enjoyed it, not put up with it but I honestly woke up and got excited to don my scrubs and talk to patients. If I am going to leave Evie for 40 hours a week I better damn be doing something that I love and that makes a difference.

So, Friday afternoon I turn off my computer, rinse out my coffee cup and grab my keys and head out the front door. I am met by my boss who says that she needs to speak to me. I think nothing of it. I am told that the decision has been made to terminate the relationship between me and the office. I cried, I begged for an explanation, I had eyes the size of saucers because of disbelief... and then I was escorted out with a box of my things and was not allowed to say good-bye or gather the rest of my things. My last check was fed exed to me and yesterday I received a box that I can't bring myself to open with the last of my things.

Arizona is an "at will" state. I have come to the conclusion that this means that when you work with an office full of old, bitter women that treat patients as if they are an inconvenience - then when someone comes in that truly cares, picks up the new computer system quicker than you do, and comes up with ways to better the office - then "they will" do everything in their power to get rid of you.

I spent 2 days crying and have cried daily since. This hurts worse than any break up because I was let go for my inability to play well with others. That and my work ethic are the one things you can't touch. I make friends wherever I go and I work my ass off and catch on damn quick. You can call me fat, ugly, bad in bed or crazy but to be dumped by 10 other women (some of which you actually liked) feels like a swift kick in the vajayjay.

So - it's back to the drawing board. It's back to interviewing and trying to sell myself. I do have the feeling that this door shut so that a window that I didn't even know was there would open. In the meantime lord knows I am so in the dark.

It's gone so FAST!

5 Months Old!

Dear Evie,

I can't believe that you are five months old. I know that I say that every month - but this one seems even more monumental. You've gone from infancy to babyhood and I'm not sure momma is ready for that (however I wouldn't go back to the first 12 weeks if you paid me to).

This month has been a particularly busy one. We have had visitors nearly every weekend. You met your grandma, step grandpa, grandpa, uncle, aunt, cousin and some second and third cousins! You went on your first trip to Jerome and loved being in your baby bjorn as I hiked up and down those hills.

We are in the process of figuring out which formula is best for you because you are so very gassy. You lift both legs and let out man farts. It's funny during the day time but in the middle of the night I feel awful for you as you twist and contort to work out those bubbles. You have made your way back into the bed with me. Daddy keeps talking about when you will be in your own crib. All I can say is, when the time is right it will feel right. At this moment it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me when I think about it.

We had a girls' weekend with Aunt Kim and Cousin Elisabeth and we all got pedicures and played Pretty Pretty Princess. This was mine and Aunt Clara's favorite game when we were little. We even put some of the jewelry on you... and then laughed our asses off.

This month you belly laughed for the first time. And what struck you as so funny? Your cousin spinning around with your Oma's blue knee brace. Go figure! We were so lucky to get it on film though. You've done it a few times since and always to the strangest of things. Your laugh is infectious.

You are still not sleeping during the day. The many visitors that have come and gone have commented on how happy you are for a baby that doesn't sleep. This is true. For such a gassy, tired baby you are so damn content. Unless of course we are not carrying you and/or looking directly at you. Them's fighting words. Please pay attention to the baby...

You are also starting to teeth. You drool, and drool, and then drool some more. Days consist of new shirts because the shoulders are drenched in Evie Saliva. Your cheeks turn red sometimes and you move your jaw and jut out your tongue like a meth baby. Aunt Clara pointed out that I probably shouldn't call you that. Perhaps not - if it were remotely true. But... I feel pretty confident that I can safely call you a crack child and get away with it. I say it with love, really I do!

You had rice cereal for the first time this month. You still haven't decided if it's ok. ... or if you are completely offended by the vile substance we dare to put near your lips. Lord knows - you can give some looks!

This month has been a month of entertaining. And you have been the main act. I do have to say that you were wonderful. And I am looking forward to a million encores!

Love,

Mama