Long time...

It's been forever since I've written (that sounds like it came directly out of my Jr High diary).

You know what I hate? When grown men pile in to the back of a pickup truck, freezing their asses off in their hoodies and then STARE at the person driving behind them. Very awkward. Especially when I am trying to eat my string cheese in the morning. Honestly, if you are heading to a construction site and have to pick up a few of your friends, or...as it sometimes is...your amigos. Perhaps you should take the low rider van and not the two door Toyota with the letters scraped off the back to spell "yo".

My sister and Brandy arrive tomorrow night and we are going wedding dress shopping on Friday. This petrifies me. I have never seen myself in a huge white gown. What if I look like an albino whale? What if I get struck down by lightning? haha. We are also doing the pictures for my wedding invitations this weekend, that makes me feel so...Mormon! The fact that they are not being taken in the Temple gardens or at the Great Salt Lake is somewhat of a relief I guess.

I am going to Florida for a tradeshow the week of the 19th. I have never been to Florida and can't help but picture Miami Vice, or an episode of CSI-stupid small town girl that I am.

I went to the dentist and realized that I have a huge fear of the bastards. I sat down in the chair and burst in to tears. I think it all goes back to when I got my bottom wisdom teeth out and came home with a ripped mouth and two black eyes. The dental office gave me a valium to take before my cleaning yesterday, but it didn't work at all. They should really make their tools less shiny, I think it's the sparkle on the hook of death that is about to scrap the shit out of my tooth that scares me the most. They could at least make it look more friendly. Speaking of friendly, they just built a children dentist's office and it looks like a fun house. Add the bright colors with the "bling" sound on the tools and that would send me screaming out of there...complete with flailing arms.

The palm

Can you tell that I totally got caught yesterday trying to update this? Yes, there is an abrupt ending. I will finish now that I am off of the clock for a few moments. ... Not that I had anything else really to say.

I had a palm tree in my living room that I bought from Walmart for the low, low price of $10. The aphids in the soil must have been free because before I knew it the leaves were covered and the tree was emitting a sticky sap used as its "defense" all over my carpet. I guess there's a spray that can be used to get rid of it, but Brian's dad forgot to bring it over... like five times. So this weekend I was so over it and the tree now resides in the garage/band practice studio.

Brian couldn't handle that there was an empty spot where the tree used to be. His OCD has a hard time with symmetry, or the lack thereof. He called me from the road this morning after leaving Home Depot with a new palm - $50! My lord. I thought he had been robbed until I went home from lunch and realized that are living room is now a jungle complete with small black panther (Wednesday) and dopey dog (perhaps doing his best monkey impression). This thing is enormous! Brian tried to smoothe things over by telling me that I can always trim it down. I do not want to be a palm groomer as I picture the men in California on the ladders ripping down leaves on the street side. One day I may need a ladder. This comment was quickly followed by "and don't kill it because it was damn expensive". Damn being the key word. So, if you come to my humble abode for the first time please understand that you will be greeted by a palm the size of the potted trees in a Miami hotel lobby. Yes, there is symmetry... however there is room for little else.

I took Oakley to see Narnia last week. As we walked out he said "you know who my favorite actor was? The lion!" Yes, Oakley... the lion was a great actor. People around us snickered. I really liked the movie though, they kept to the book so well and I don't think that they could have cast a better white witch.

Off to the gym. I have been going every other day... and hating every living second of it. I don't understand the people that say things like "I really enjoy working out" PLEASE! I have a scowl on my face the entire time and usually hold a grudge for at least an hour afterwards.

First snow!

It finally snowed here! I thought I was seeing things last night when I let Buddy out to go pee... and if you think I was surprised imagine what an 8 month old puppy who's never seen snow though. He was so freaked out when he came back in covered in snow. By this morning he had caught on and he was jumping around and playing in it. Why is it that when it snows it seems lighter and quieter at night?

Things have started to recover. Although we don't have full custody we are still very fortunate to have such a wonderful little boy in our life. I got this emailed to me and thought it was hilarious:

*FEMALE PRAYER*:Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man, who's not a creep,One who's handsome, smart and strongOne who loves to listen long,One who thinks before he speaks,One who'll call, not wait for weeks.I pray he's gainfully employed,when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.Pulls out my chair and opens my door,Massages my back and begs to do more.Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"I pray that this man will love me to no end,and always be my very best friend.Amen* ** ** ** **MALE PRAYER:*I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniacwith huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a boat.This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.Amen.

My Merry Christmas

I'm pretty sure that anyone that reads this already knows that I got engaged on Christmas morning. I am so excited and suddenly can't stop looking at my hand! The blog may start to get a little sappy with wedding planning in about a year or so. Hold tight. You may want to cover your eyes! lol.

The past few days have been hellacious. We filed a request for emergency custody of Oakley for a very good reason and it was denied. Once again, we were punched in the stomach by the system. Dad's lose their visitation rights all of the time, mother's however can get away with nearly anything and they are the ones with the rights that are protected. I know that it's an old cliche that the court system and CPS are completely f*cked. But, it wouldn't have become a cliche and something that's heard all of the time if it weren't completely and utterly true.

Christmas, however, was just perfect. Christmas morning Brian and I woke up even before Oakley (I'm not sure if I even went to sleep!). I went and woke him up and he was so excited and gracious. Every gift was "what I always wanted!" I got the Chronicles of Narnia and I'm nearly done w/ book two. This proved to be the perfect gift as it's the closest thing to literally taking me away from this world the past couple of days, which is exactly what I have needed.

I should have probably split this up in to two different entries, as one is so exciting and happy, and the other is just sheer bullshit. So, now that we're all cross eyed and shaking our heads from my blog, I will post and go home.

Sentimental Fool

I find it necessary to point out that I am a complete and hopeless sentimental fool for the holidays. Everything about them somehow gives me a lump in my throat. Oakley and I were driving to his Oma and Opa's house dancing and singing jingle bells and I got a quick glimpse of him in my rearview mirror, I had to put on my sunglasses so he didn't think I was a crying crazy lady.... as opposed to the regular crazy lady that he's sure that I am.

What is it about everything holidays that makes a person warm and fuzzy? Are there subliminal messages in bells and organ music? I caught the very end of Home Alone on TV, where the mom comes home and hugs Kevin... I hadn't even watched the whole movie and that part alone made me choke up.

Sleepless in Seattle is another wonderful holiday movie. I realize that only the beginning is holiday-themed, however it's all based on a Christmas wish of one little boy. I was a mess last night watching that one. Damn that little Jonah.

Brian's sisters have arrived from Denver and New York for the holidays, so they're pretty much in full swing here in AZ.

One question that I get a lot this time of year is whether or not my tree is hanging upside down from the ceiling. My answer... definitely not. Rather, hell no. My sister has embraced the tradition and may carry it on as her own but I have not. I hated being the girl that people would come up to in the hallways and say Oh YOU'RE The one with the upside down Christmas tree! People would drive by our house to see it in the window. I suppose that living in a yellow house with a pink fence and pet pot-bellied pig may have shaped my character somehow... but at the time I just wanted to be normal!

Whew, suddenly my inner child came out for a short tantrum. I apologize.

In short, I cannot wait to see Oakley's face when he runs out of his room to find a bike with a huge red bow. I love to see him pull up a chair and sit so that he can sit and stare at the tree. I want to give him the world and the best holidays I can. My Christmas wish is for full custody, perhaps if I put it in writing it is more likely to transpire.

Three Gophers

Oakley: You know those three gophers?

Nisha: Um, no.

Oakley: I forget their names, but they like, they.... I don't know what they are called.

Nisha: Honey, I honestly don't know what you are talking about.

Oakley: Um, I don't know what they are called, but I like their music.

*Lightbulb*
Nisha: You mean the Chipmunks???

Oakley: Yeah! I like them!

You gotta love morning drives to school conversing with a seven year old. He never ceases to just make me smile and make my day. I love watching him walk to the playground after I drop him off. His backpack is bigger than he is and he loves to wear hooded sweatshirts, with his hood on. He just looks so grown up and small at the same time walking by himself. He told me this morning that he likes the guy "with the horns" on the wizard of Oz that sings the lollipop song. We sang the song together a few times after that. Weeee wish to welcome you to munchkin land!

We finally got our kitty fixed yesterday. She is really sore and confused now. We have her quarantined because our dog (aka miniature horse) is really rough with her. We used to feel sorry for her, but then noticed that she loves it. She walks up and smacks him with her paw on purpose so that they can play. He never hurts her, and if he did cross a line she has claws and would teach him.

I sewed curtains for my living room. Yes, you read that right. Presently one is about a yard longer than the other (shit!) so I have to do some altering. Life used to be trying to remember what happened the night before and deciding what to wear and wondering if he would call. Now it's dinners, homework, baths, bedtime stories, landscaping, curtains.

I plan to tackle the holiday crowds and get most of my shopping done on the day after Thanksgiving. It's a lot more fun to shop as Santa for a seven year old! Now... where do I hide a bean bag chair?? haha.

I am such a sucker for the holidays. The music puts a spring in my step and nearly every holiday special, movie or even commerical chokes me up completely!

Scaping our Land

Brian and I have taken on the daunting task of landscaping our backyard. Up until now it has been a pile of dirt, enclosed by an eight foot wall. The dog loves it as he thinks it is especially for him. The problem was, during monsoon season it turned into a mud pit... just add Buddy. So, we had to wrap him in a sheet when we got home each night and put him directly in to the tub. He didn't understand why we would do such a thing. As if bathing him isn't a pain enough... drying him is even worse!

So, with a ton of aid from Brian's father we have started to landscape. I didn't realize that this would mean that I would have a ziploc bag of "rock samples" in my purse. Last time I had something like that in my purse... well... we won't go there! lol. This task also means a lot of time spent in the backyard with our hands on our hips pointing at the dirt and talking about what exactly we are going to do. I stand there with my hands on my hips and smile and nod... waiting for the opportunity that I can sneak away and go watch TV.

Tonight we are getting 17 tons of rock delivered on our driveway and we will take it wheelbarrow by wheelbarrow in to the backyard. And by we I mean Brian, and whoever else he can find. I thought I would be helping more, but I honestly have never used a shovel and I am very scared of driving a wheelbarrow. I just want to wear cute hats and gloves (matching) and sit in the dirt and grow a vegetable garden and flowers. I will buy cute signs that say things like "garden of weedin'" and put them in the soil on posts.

On top of the landscaping we have the holiday season upon us. The preparation seems endless, and ... where exactly is the money coming from?

The smell of school supplies

I love it in You've Got Mail when they are comparing the feeling of fall to the smell of bouquets of #2 pencils. It really does smell like brand new school supplies! I love the feeling in the air. It makes me really happy. It's nearly dark already and I am still at work, if they change my schedule with daylight's savings to 5:30 again then I will leave and see the stars already! We have pumpkins on our path at home that look so cute. I would love to go ape shit and buy a bunch of decorations, but I figure I will just do a couple each year so that they are ones that I really love. I am so excited to pull out my Christmas decorations! ha ha.

I think that we may host Thanksgiving at my house this year. This will be my chance to prove to myself that I can host something without turning into Monica on Friends. I turn into an absolute freak trying to make everything perfect and then I'm absolutely miserable to be around... and Brian and I are usually fighting by then! Not this time... fingers crossed....

Forever and a Day!

Gosh, I have been the biggest slacker ever. Either that, or not a big enough slacker as the only time I really have to get on here is at work.

Clara was here this weekend and it was a blast. I was so excited to show someone from my family what I have done with my life these days. It's a far cry from where I was just a year ago (thank God!) ha ha.

I am loving this season change. Suddenly, in one afternoon it got crisp and cool here. Now I can pull out sweaters and the sort. No more shaving legs or showing bare arms. I am a happy girl. Time for scarves and layers! The only thing that I don't like is the closed toe shoes... my feet literally get claustrophobic. The housing division I am in is brand new so people are enjoying decorating their new houses. I really need to get the time, energy and funding to plant some bulbs and clear a section of my front yard. I would love it if I had flowers popping out of the snow in February!

I somehow spent hundreds of dollars in one weekend while Clara was here. We didn't even go out or shopping or anything! We did eat a lot and I think a lot of it was gas money... but still... I need groceries! ha ha.

We had Oakley's b-day party this weekend. He was an absolute sweetheart... I was nervous becaose I know that most kids turn into hellions when it's Their day. He opened his gifts and threw the wrapping paper away himself, used all of his manners and everything. It was Godzilla themed and turned out really cute, thanks to my sister's creativity. She's a lot better at that kind of stuff than I am. We had Oakley in the backseat of my car with 18 green and yellow Godzilla balloons and he kept saying "helloooo, there's a kid back here!" I took pictures of him peeking out from behind them. I hope that they turn out. I'll post some if so.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes
on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false
pride, superiority,and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and
faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Author Unknown

I guess I scared some people with my blogs while being sad and having boyfriend problems. Rest assured, I am a big girl and even while crying I can handle my own. We are doing better now (for now).

I have decided that the song Total Eclipse of the Heart should be outlawed from station and allowed only in the comfort of you own home. How does it sneak on to your radio station in your car only when you feel so emotional and like your life is over? This always leads to crying and singing loudly. Losing your voice follows and snot on your face is pretty much a given. If I ever get elected in to office that's the first bill I will pass. I honestly haven't done much at work yet today. I should probably get on that.

I came outside today to find that my sidewalk (which has been ripped out for a couple of days to be fixed) has been repaved in exactly the same way that it was before. The non-curb part of our driveway is halfway in our yard. At first I wanted to track down the cement truck and yell at them, but they did have to put up with me at 7:30 this morning madder than a hornet because they were asking me to move my car. This included having to fold my arms to hold my boobs since I didn't even bother to put on a bra, or hide the fact that I was giving them death glares.

I have attached pictures of us hanging out. Brian and his dad were hanging blinds while the rest of us were repotting my house plants and hanging out on the porch.

I rely on my illusions to keep me warm at night.

SO

I spent last night at Brian's parent's house, in Oakley's room on his day bed. I woke up this morning still crying. The Johnson's no more tears shampoo in the shower did nothing for mine.

I have had like eight million funny stories to tell from since Labor day til now, but have been so busy. Mostly not busy, but lethargic. Lethargic because I am not dieting until next Monday and in the meantime I have been eating cookies for breakfast. Not small cookies, large ones. Not chocoloate chips (except for the ones Allison baked and brought in to work with the morsels. I must have thought morsels meant small, or tid bit because I think I may have eaten the majority of the tempting morsels) chocolate chunks. Large ones on the large cookies. Wash it down with some crab dip, potato salad, and a sandwich and you got yourself a reason to struggle putting on your pants. I saw What not to wear this weekend and a woman had like my exact same style. Could you just die?! Oh yeah, but then I figure once I am uncomfortable in my chair that I should drink a lot of water and maybe take a multi vitamin... and refresh my lipstick. A girl has to hold on to her looks after all.

My must go home.

Visions of Hash Browns danced in my head.

I showed up to work today with my pants on backwards. That pretty much begins to sum things up. I dreamt last night of hash browns, gravy and chicken fried steak. I went to work a half hour early so that I could stop at the Blue Hills Cafe and eat breakfast. I was a very happy girl, however about a half hour later my stomach realized that it hated me. Hated me very much.

While I was at the Cafe the couple sitting next to me bowed their heads and prayed before they ate. I don't know why but little things like that still surprise me about living in a small community. We are growing so much and most of the implanted people are from Southern California because we have the mild climate with the small town feel. We also have Phoenix close for the city life and Sedona close for a retreat. It really is a great place to be. Sometimes I feel dumb being in Dewey, which is nothing more than a rest stop on the freeway. It's growing though, and it will take our property value with it.

I am so very excited to have three days off. Tomorrow I am the only person in customer service, let's hope no huge disasters surface. If so, maybe I can put them off until Tuesday.

Therapeutic Nothing

It's been forever. I keep telling myself that I really don't have anything new going on, but my last posts weren't written because I necessarily had something new and exciting going on in my life. I just find something in my nothing to write about I suppose.

Clara's coming at the beginning of October and I am so excited. Finally someone will get to see my new house and my new life down here. I really think that she needs it too. Brian has a friend that is coming from San Francisco that just needs to get back to the basics too. He's in two rock bands and lives down town. Our house means hanging out on the porch in a rocking chair and playing with a dog, cat and a six year old. I think that's the perfect therapy!

I was really on a roll today. Kicking butt on email requests for info, ETA's, tracking, etc. I found out late this afternoon that none of emails were being received externally. I was receiving, and people in the office were receiving from me... but everything important that I did wasn't received. Irriated by this? Yes, yes I am. On a let's-look-at- the-bright-side-note, I don't work in the warehouse. Since it's the last day of the month they have to wait until all of the shipments are done and then physically count every product that we have on the shelves. They will be here until the wee hours of the morning, before returning to work to do the regular shipping and receiving. To make this easier I have stopped putting in orders a half hour early so that they can get started. This also means that I have decided to be done for the day and instead will dick around at my desk and on my blog. he he, I said dick.

It will be so nice to have a three day weekend. Brian on the other hand is working like 8 days in a row. He wants the house spotless for his buddy, not like it's not already really clean. Oh well, I guess it gives us a reason to do the mopping and stuff like that.

Saliva Mohawk

My poor little kitty crawled up on me last night while I was on the couch reading Cosmo and as I went to put her I realized that from her ears to her neck was completely sticky with puppy saliva. There was even a booger (nose or eye, I don't know) in the mix. I had to clean her up and love on her a bit. The whole time Buddy was trying to join in the episode. He gets so jealous and has the cutest face. It's very hard to be mad at him or ignore him for long. When they play she bats at him and gets up high for an advantage. When she's not on something he usually pounces on her, holds her down and tries to see how much of her head he can fit in her mouth. He doesn't hurt her, he just pretends to bite the shit out of her while holding her down with his paw.

I got new bedding and both animals had to be involved in putting it on the bed. The dog was trying to lay in the middle and the cat was trying to attack the sheets as we tried to straighten them. Once we add more kids in to the mix it's really going to be a circus. (sp?)

I saw Kathy Griffith's special on Bravo and just about died. She had me laughing so hard. She's a bigger asshole than I am and I find that hilarious!

Happy hour tonight at the Outback. I get off earlier now so we will have longer to order 2 for one! Whoo Hoo!

Tomorrow I have no Brian or Oakley until after 3 pm. I am going to watch chick flicks, read cosmo and stay in my pajamas until then. I can't wait!

tick, tock

The afternoons have been so slow lately. After all of my bitching about being overloaded with work I'm sure that this is being greeted with eye rolls from anyone (poor souls) that happen to be reading. However, this does mean that I have time to write... and shop online. Lord help me. It is way too easy to press "add to cart".

My dog and I grow increasingly closer every day. He was bought for Oakley, and picked out by Brian, but he has become my dog. I took him to the puppy park yesterday and he's almost figured out fetching. He was so tired when he got home. He snored all night.

I have a pedicure appointment tomorrow. Thank goodness. My feet are so scaley. I'm still broke, but Allison got me a gift certificate for my birthday. She must have taken pity on my scales.

I promised myself that I wouldn't get addicted to the Real World ever again. . . but the Real World Austin has won... and I am a viewer. New episode tonight in the ten spot.

I have been having some really strange dreams about people that I haven't thought about in forever. This probably means that someone from my past will be showing up out of the blue. I hope it isn't someone crappy but the universe doesn't take requests.

Counting down the minutes until you're off takes on a whole new light when there's over 50 of them.

Hindsight

I saw this on another blog and thought that it was a good chance to be retrospective. (Scarey!)

Ten years ago today
I had just started my Sophomore year of high school. I had just come in to my own style and had my hippie clothes and long hair.

5 years ago today
I lived in California with my ex fiance, I worked for a natural pharmaceutical company and was starting to realize that there was more to life than what I had found so far.

1 year ago today
I had just gotten asked out by Brian for the first time. I was ecstatic! I had also just returned from Utah... having been flown out for the last time by the District Attorney's office. I also was dealing with a huge decision that I had to make. I was a mess... but a happy, excited, scared mess.

Yesterday
Work was extremely slow in the afternoon. I went home as usual and walked the dog after dinner. Brian made his turkey burger Santa Fe Style and his plate gorgeous. I just wanted to have pickles, mayo and ketchup with mine. We watched the 100 greatest artists of heavy metal before going to bed. Buddy slept next to me and we snored in unison.

Tomorrow
I get to wake up to Oakley in the living room watching cartoons and playing with the animals. I get to stay in my pajamas and read a book. Allison is finally back so we will catch up and go see a movie.

5 snacks I enjoy
Chocolate, Sour Cream and Cheddar Backed chips, Chocolate covered pretzels, Chex mix and popcorn.

5 bands I know the lyrics to most of their songs
Stevie Nicks, Martina McBride, LeeAnn Womack, Fleetwood Mac, Sublime

5 things I would do with $1,000,000.00
Lay naked on it (no, not really). Help my friends, pay off our house and debts, go back to school, donate some, do something outlandish and irresponsible with a dash of spontanaity.

5 bad habits
Sleeping too much, picking my nose, being obnoxious, gossiping, overeating. (that was way too easy...spooky!)

5 things I like doing
Sleep, eat, be with my family, shop, talk on the phone, read.

5 locations I’d like to run away to
New Orleans, Italy, Paris, Morocco, A castle...

5 things I would never wear
A tube top, a moo moo (sp?), velcro shoes, a training bra, a size zero ; )

5 famous people I would like to meet
The Dalai Lama, Stevie Nicks, Jessica Simpson, Matthew McConahy (sp?), John Stewart

5 biggest joys at the moment
Brian, Oakley, my pets, my extended family and friends, my house, my good fortune

5 things on your bedside table
Lamp, box of writing, journal, buddha, picture of me and my sister, my mom's journal, books, magazines. . .

5 things you save
Cards, Pictures, Books, thoughts in my journal and blog

5 things you won't travel without
Just the necessities. I'm not a heavy paker and I hate to pack.